Tuesday, September 30, 2008

No Hard Candy, Please

Another male model has come out against his image being used to promote The Gays.

Genre magazine featured photos of this fucker, Benjamin Massing. The "cruel and vulgar" pic features Benji here in minimal clothing, and being all dirty and lewd and lascivious...according to him.

And Benji does not like it. At all. So, in an invasion of privacy suit, he's suing the photographer and Genre magazine for -get this- portraying him as "lustful and sexually promiscuous."

Hello? Benny...when you were awake, aware and taking direction from the photographer, how did it not occur to you to voice your concerns then? Why are the photos suddenly so objectionable? Surely, you were uncomfortable with them before they landed in the pages of Genre Magazine?

Not for nothin' but you, Bennyboy, are a homophobic, self-hating asshole.

Me? I'm just a bitch, which is why I'm doing this:





WTF?


Make it stop! Please! What the lousy fuck is she wearing!! That outfit makes her look like she was screwed together. And what is up with that ASS?

And talking about big booty...Jennifer Lopez is very Tranny, Get Your Gun in this pic.
I blame him.

No Reason


Just because it makes me giggle.

tuesday's child...

...is full of grace.

Monday, September 29, 2008

Really? Really?!?

I don't get it.

David Blecchhham has never done it for me, and I've maintained that since the dawn of my blogging time.

I will admit though, that I have always like his style. Up until now.

This is much isn't it? Or do you have to be a skinny bitch whore celebretard donkey donut to pull it off?

Bitter, Party of One.

SNL Does It Again!

The Queen In Greece

Special report from Greece!

Last night M was in Athens (at the new Olympic Stadium from 2004) with 74,000 Greeks who love her like me!!!! It was her first time performing in Greece. Before the concert fans said they've been waiting for it their whole life. The traffic around the stadium was at a stand-still because everybody outside just put their cars in park and listened to M. They said you could here her 3 or 4 kms in every direction.
When M's chair turned around at the beginning and everybody saw her, you could see that nobody could believe it was her and the stadium was silent for a second.
When she was singing You Must Love Me, the audience was singing back "We love you M" so loud throughout the song that it made M stop for a minute, she took a step back, and she started crying for a second. They got her a little emotional.

Not So Heatherific


This is not the face of a girl named Heather. This is the face of someone on Donnie's Mugshot Monday.

Heather, babe...talk to your doc. Readjust.

UPDATE: Told ya.

Uh-Oh...

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Any Minute Now....




Season Five

Does This _____ Make Me Look Gay?

"Does this cake make me look gay?

Whatcha Eatin'?

Let's face it, when it comes to food, I'm weak.

I am what some would refer to as a "foodie" but sometimes I think I am just a little too particular about certain things to be a full fledged Foodie. More on that a bit later...

Poodle and I enjoy treating ourselves to dinners at lovely restaurants; we split up our grocery needs between: grocery store, no frills store, butcher, baker, candlestick maker.

We love going the extra mile (and dollar) when hosting cocktail or dinner parties, because let's face it, premium top shelf is miles and away more memorable and special than having your guests say, "what the hell was that?" or worse..."Mmm..interesting. Where did you get it?"

Confessions time:

I like veal. Love it. I know where it comes from and I'm sorry. But I like it. I don't eat it a lot, but when I do....mmm.

I love foie gras. More than love it. I know where it comes from and I'm sorry. I look at it this way...at least they're getting fed. Besides, birds freak me out and it's incredibly difficult for me to feel sympathy for something that pecked the shit out of Tippi Hedren.

I've eaten venison, rabbit, bison and I think someone slipped me some hippopotamus once, but that's another story. I liked the venison. The rabbit was alright. Bison was gamey. Once was good.

Red meat. I know I shouldn't eat it. The health implications alone, but the way I see it, if cavemen ate it I can eat it, too. I also can say with great certainty that we don't eat red meat with the same frequency as prehistoric man so I think we'll last a lot longer.

I think cream and butter should be their own food group.

Now. These are the things that keep me from being a full blown Foodie:
  • I do not, will not, cannot, eat meat on the bone. That is just a little too prehistoric/cannibalistic for me. At a restaurant, I will always inquire if the meat is served "on the bone" and if it is, I request that it is removed for serving. I don't mind that it's cooked on the bone, but it's better I don't think about it. Further to that, I ONLY buy boneless anything when cooking at home.
  • Seafood. Blech. I will only eat shrimp, scallops and I can eat about three or four pieces of smoked salmon. After that, NO THANK YOU. So yes, this means I don't eat lobster, crab, oysters, mussels, escargots, any kind of fish, calamari or any member of the cephalopod family.
  • The idea of making my own stock with the CARCASS of anything gives me the heebeejeebees.
  • Osso bucco. If I don't think about it, maybe, MAYBE I'll be okay.
  • Did I mention I don't eat fish? Unless it's tuna. From a can. Call me trash, I don't care.
  • Which brings me to sushi. I've tried. Many times. I can only get as far as a California Roll or Vegetarian sushi with yummy avocado and stuff....no fish.
  • Green vegetables and I have a love/hate relationship. Broccoli? Love. Fiddleheads? Kill me now.
  • I can't eat peas. GAG. Never have been able to, never will. Ooo, unless they're in the Thai Basil Rice from Thai To Go. Then somehow I'm able to eat them.
  • I won't even consider any type of weird delicacy. Bugs, testicles, eyeballs, brain. You get the picture.
A general rule of thumb is: if I have it/one, I won't eat it.

Despite all these food rules (and I KNOW I'm missing some) I often think of becoming a vegetarian. I've given myself until 2012. That's when the Canadian government has decided that foie gras is no longer permitted.

Here, goosey goosey goosey....

American Boy


What is it about this boy that makes me crazy?

Is it that smooth, soulful voice? Is it the ubercool beats and retro funk sound? I forgave him his sins against the Queen.

Le Sigh.

American Boy * BBC 1 Live Lounge (Estelle Cover)

"....
I just met this 5 foot 7 guy who's just my type.
I like the way he's speaking his confidence is peaking.
Don't like his baggy jeans but I'ma like what's underneath them..."

Afflicted With The Gay


Peace Out

Paul Newman
(January 26, 1925 – September 26, 2008)

eBay Rules

Remember when I posted the link for the extra Madonna tickets I was selling on eBay? Well, they didn't sell. They didn't even hit face value. Fortunately I had the wherewithal to put a reserve price.

So, I relisted the tickets. This time around, bitch is makin' some coin.

There's 19 hours or so to go left in the auction and I'm +35% over what I paid for them.

Could this be the new career?

Friday, September 26, 2008

If Depeche Mode And New Order Had A Kid

That kid would be Cut Copy, an Australian electro band that is very reminiscent of the synth/techno/electro bands from back in the day.

Feel free to try a little taste from their current release, In Ghost Colours. I also threw in a couple of remixes of the awesome Hearts On Fire. It's zipped, so you can pick n' choose.

Cut Copy / In Ghost Colours
  • Hearts On Fire (CD Version)
  • Hearts On Fire (Midnight Juggernauts Remix)
  • Hearts On Fire (Tenzin Remix)
  • Lights and Music (CD Version)


I also snagged Britney's as-yet-unreleased Womanizer, the first single from her comeback comeback album Circus.

I won't lie when I say I'm actually a little tiny bit excited for her. The jury is still out, but whatchall think?

Britney Spears * Womanizer (Radio Rip)

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Too Good Not To Steal


In the meantime, I've been viewing numerous clips of Miss Mom Jeans 2008. I have come to the conclusion that the Republican campaign is being run like the Wizard of Oz. The whole "men behind the curtain" thing has never been more true.

Meanwhile, she's one myocardial infarction or cardiac thrombosis away from the hottest seat in the house.

This whole thing is going to start playing out like a Nora Ephron rom-com. I can see it now....

John McCain and Sarah Palin star in
The Wedding Planner's Best Friend Is A Runaway Bride Who Has Mail Informing Her She's The Next POTUS!

Opens Friday!

I'll Tell You The Real Shocker...

That Clay Aiken is now gayer than ever.

Overheard

At the corner of Church & Wellesley while waiting for the walk signal:


FagHag: Oh, I wanted to show you something!

Fag: Later. If I don't eat a crepe soon, I'm going to faint.

Ya know, sometimes the stereotypes just create themselves, don't they? In the meantime, click the crepe to enlargerize and enjoy the sweet sight!

Shout Out X 2


First, a special shout out to MrPeeNee who has entered the bondage bonds of matrimony! Congratulations!



Also, today is Gallus' birthday! Happy Birthday, Gallus. You're what? 21 now?

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Goings On

How sad.

Back on ShirleyHeezgay!, I mused about some of the people in my neighbourhood. I've mentioned The Gays next door, but I've decided to rename them (The Mismatch[e]s), and I'm now totally convinced that they are leading a sad little life.*

Studly Mismatch comes and goes all day long, sometimes by bike, sometimes by their luxury SUV. I think he's a personal trainer or something. Oblivious Nerdy-Mismatch goes to work everyday to help pay the mortgage on their million dollar home.

In the meantime, Studly often has a handsome visitor, Happy Homewrecka, who actually has the code for their garage. I've seen Studly and Happy cavorting and ass slapping in the middle of the day, only to see them dash off before Oblivious comes home. Either Studly is fully messing around on his husband, or the Mismatch's decided to marry a Homewrecka. Still, I've never seen Happy and Oblivious together. Ever.

Actually, whenever I see Studly and Oblivious together, they just look so miserable. They don't talk, they don't laugh. When Studly has little parties on the deck with all his shirtless friends, I don't ever see Oblivious. Travelling, maybe, on the road to oblivion?

*This in no way should be misconstrued or viewed as judgment against those who practice open relationships. I just get a little bitch like when it comes to Studly Mismatch. I don't care for him, his ego or his pretentious friends. Plus, I think there comes a time when grown men, whether they have the body or not, should stop shopping at Abercrombie and Fitch. Studly has the body, but I think it just makes him look older.

PhotobucketI am; therefore, I judge.

The Rain In Spain

Bette Midler cracks me up. I heard about this parody of Madonna's vacuuming YouTube video, but hadn't seen it until now, thanks to Towleroad.

I'm not crazy about the adoption dig but, oh well, there you go.

Separated At Birth?

Anna Nicole Smith and Jamie Lynn Spears.

Do Not Piss Off The Internet


From Queerty, regarding "model" Josh Peters' belligerent requests to have his copywrited [sic] photograph removed from the blog:

Mr. Peters, consider yourself lucky that in a field lousy with hopefuls, possibles, has-beens and also rans; that the editor of Queerty posted your pics at no charge to yourself and gave you the kind of free advertising that most wannabes would give their left nut for.

If you find it so offensive that we bumboys might want to look at you on our stupid gay sites, then I suggest you not quit your day job–what ever that might be–and focus on cultivating your irrational distaste of gays and the harmless blogs we frequent.

In short, Mr. Peters, go fuck yourself you pathetic, lazy, common looking sack of shit. Get down on your knees and be thankful that anyone would give your scrawny ass the time of day. And while down there, Mr. Peters, pucker up and get ready to kiss some ass, because the internet is forever and your comments will be remembered by the next "bumboy" you try to solicit work from, you dimwitted, trashy looking fuck.

Now fuck you and the high horse you rode in on, jackass.

The folks at Queerty agreed, but not without Peters flinging his homophobic idiocy around like a real pro.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

I For One...

...am stunned.

Skinny Fat Guy

This evening, I witnessed the epitome of this poor tragic phenomenon.

The SKG is exactly that. To look at him, you'd say he was lean. Skinny, even. Then, he takes off his shirt. Um, wait. You have a belly? But you're skinny? It happens to the best of them and is a strange sight to behold, but in some cases, easy to overlook.

Well, this poor donkey looked just like this:

He was skinny. Skinny arms, skinny lady hands and fingers (you know the kind), skinny neck, no double chin, absolutely no ass, and rail thin legs.

And his own flotation device, right there wrapped around the middle. I am not exaggerating what I witnessed because he presented himself with skinny jeans and a tight tee.

...and before anybody goes all lispy body fascist ballistic on me...I look like this:



I know what I speak of, so fuck off.

4 Minutes (To Make U Cum)

Stolen and stolen and stolen, here for you, Sherry Vine and her hysterical version of 4 Minutes.

tuesday's child...

...is full of grace.

Monday, September 22, 2008

Lyrics Results!

As promised, here are the answers to the Sing, Sing A Song, Sing Out Loud contest. Christopher at CleverFool wins with 17/20 correct responses.

Actually, there was someone with 19/20 but they admitted they cheated with the aide of Google.

Christopher wins bragging rights!

This was fun...I'll be doing it again, but making it much much more difficult. We're just warming up. And in case you missed it, this is an actual photo of my deaf parents. My father jammin' on the geetar and my pregnant (with me) mother groovin' to his smoove tunes.

1. Madonna, Let It Will Be
Now I can tell you about success, about fame
About the rise and the fall
of all the stars in the sky
Don't it make you smile?

2. Santana w/ Rob Thomas, Smooth
Man its a hot one
Like seven inches from the midday sun
I hear you whisper and the words melt everyone
But you stay so cool

3. Annie Lennox, Love Song For A Vampire
Come into these arms again
and lay your body down.
The rhythm of this trembling heart
is beating like a drum.

4. Sarah McLachlan, Fear
Morning smiles
Like the face of a newborn child
Innocent unknowing winter’s end
Promises of a long lost friend

5. Nine Inch Nails, Man With A Gun
I am a big man (yes I am),
and I have a big gun.
Got me a big old dick and I,
I like to have fun

6. David Bowie, John, I'm Only Dancing
Well, Annie's pretty neat, she always eats her meat
Joe is awful strong, bet your life he's putting us on
Oh lordy, oh lordy, you know I need some loving
I'm moving, touch me

7. Djako, Devil Train
Take with me the cocaine train
Take with me the cocaine train
Take this line.
Take this line.

8. Duran Duran, Dirty Great Monster
There's a dirty great monster in this house
we pretend that it's not there
and there's no escape from it's it's grip
but nobody seems to care

9. Gwen Stefani, Cool
It's hard to remember how it felt before.
Now I found the love of my life.
Passes things get more comfortable.
Everything is going right.

10. Prince, Gett Off
How can I put this in a way so as not to offend or unnerve
There's a rumour goin' all round that you ain't been gettin' served
They say that you ain't you know what
In baby who knows how long

11. The Propellerheads w/ Shirley Bassey, History Repeating
The word is about, there's something evolving,
whatever may come, the world keeps revolving
They say the next big thing is here,
that the revolution's near

12. Christina Aguilera w/ L'il Kim, Can't Hold Us Down
So what am I not supposed to have an opinion
Should I be quiet just because I'm a woman
Call me a bitch cos I speak whats on my mind
Guess its easier for you to swallow if I sat and smiled

13. Lisa Stansfield, We Can't Deny It
We've got it together darlin', we're ready for it
You see I'm smilin'
Hmm we've got the people talkin', they know how we feel
And it's no big deal

14. Gabrielle, Dreams
Move a step closer you know that I want you
I can tell by your eyes that you want me too
Just a question of time I knew we'd be together
And that you'd be mine I want you here forever

15. Sheena Easton, Telefone (Long Distance Love Affair)
I've been away from you for far too long
Too much chances make my heart go frantic
I wanna tell you what's been goin' on,
operator give me Trans Atlantic

16. Rent, Without You
Without you,
the ground thaws,
the rain falls,
the grass grows.

17. Radiohead (or Mark Ronson), Just
Can't get the stink off
He's been hanging round for days
Comes like a comet
Suckered you but not your friends

18. Mary J. Blige, Family Affair
Let's get it crunk, we gonna' have fun
Up on in this dancery
We got ya open, now ya floatin'
So you gots to dance for me

19. Cyndi Lauper, She-Bop
Well, I see them every night in tight blue jeans
In the pages of a blue boy magazine
Hey I've been thinking of a new sensation
I'm picking up good vibration

20. Boy George, Evil Is So Civilised
Far out across the rooftops
Where the televisions sleep
Behind the perfect picture
Lie fanatical beliefs

george. arrested. again.


"I want to apologise to my fans for screwing up again, and to promise them I'll sort myself out. And to say sorry to everybody else, just for boring them."

Oh, come on!
Look. George. Can't you host your tearoom parties on your private grounds? Can't you have your drug fueled sex parties in private like the rest of us????
Not that I have drug fueled sex parties, but if I did, I certainly wouldn't do it right out in the open!!! For the love of Madonna!

emmy report follow up

I stand corrected....

Ricky Gervais Says "Look At That Stupid Face" Not Fags


The Death of Josh Grobin's Credibility/Career


Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert and a Dumb Blonde @ 1:27

Sunday, September 21, 2008

"thanks to howie's prattling on..."

The long and torturous road known as the 60th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards aired tonight, and there really were very few moments to single out and celebrate. I have chosen some very specific moments to dissect.

This year's hosts were all "reality" show hosts. Tom "Not Funny" Bergeron, Heidi "Not In The Same Dress Twice" Klum, Ryan "Not Without My Spray On Tan" Seacrest, Howie "Not Without My Meds" Mandel, and Jeff "I Have An Oddly Shaped Penis" Probst. These five were selected because 2008 marks the first year that Outstanding Reality/Reality Competition Host. Outstanding? Really?

Personally, I think this is one of those awards that should be given out three weeks prior to the main event by some Q-List actress at a luncheon at The Abbey.

Which brings me to this post's title...Howie went off on a couple of tangents. Some say Red Bull, I say White Bull *wink,wink*.

Then, here comes the fabulous Kristin Chenowith and Neil Patrick Harris. Up until now, NPH hasn't really been much of A Gay, outside of walking his dogs with his lovah, but tonight was perfection:

NPH: "Thanks to Howie's prattling on...our bit has been cut."
KC: "Bitter, Party of Two?"
NPH: "That's right."

HAHA! You big homo! I love it!

Next up, Kathy Griffin and Don Rickles. I know, right? First off, Kathy is a gay man, trapped in a drag queen, trapped in a woman's body. Somehow, somebody convinced her to go crazy with the hair extensions. She looked like Whitesnake meets Markie Post. I never cared for Don Rickles, but he's been in the biz a long time so I give him props for that. Anyway, they're making their way to the stage and Kathy yells at the audience, "GET UP!" Nice. Force the display of respect.

Their "bit" is torture since he keeps going off, but you just know that Kathy is going to work this into her show. Picture it:

"So I'm sitting there backstage with Rickles and he pops in his teeth right before we go out..."

Next, I want to call out Ricky Gervais. He is a funny son of a bitch and if you don't know who he is, then find out. When in doubt, call in the Brits, I say. Ricky presents an acceptance speech montage which ends showing a group hug with Steve Carrell, Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert. "Look at those fags." Whaaaaaaaatt!!! I love it. I don't think everybody heard him. Either that or they were too busy asking each other, "Who is that?"

Look of the Night:
Goes to David Boreanz. The D List actor gets paired with Lauren Conrad. Lauren Conrad! Talk about famous for nothing! These brats make Paris Hilton look like the hardest working gal in show biz!

Anyhoo, the look on David's face is one of pure, seething anger. You can almost taste the bile building in the back of his throat as he reads the cue cards. When she fucks up, he cracks the biggest smile. Ah, the sweet taste of redemption.

Next, we have the requisite "In Memoriam" presentation which makes you say, "REALLY? WHEN?" more than, "aww."

However, I think tonight's show will go down in history as having a death during the actual broadcast. Josh Groban's career suffered an untimely death following his disastrous, embarrassing, meth-fueled ricockulous performance.


Withered and Nasty:
Mary Tyler Moore in a sleeveless gown.
Classy and Smart:
Betty White covered from neck to ankle.

And, finally, an Honourable Mention goes to the dim blonde sitting behind Ricky Gervais.

During Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert's award presentation, they both remark that politics will not be discussed, it's about the award. So while Stewart presents, Colbert is eating a bag of prunes. He refers to them as shriveled, old, and hard to swallow but having much needed experience.

Pan to Gervais and the idiot behind him leans over to her date and says, "What's he talking about?"

Oh, honey. Stick to The Hills.

are you experienced?


maybe the world is overlooking a specific kind of experience?

"oh, shure, i can see Russia froom my backyerd and when that bridge to no werrr came up, i said thanks, but noo thanks...

but when that jahn mccain said to me, sarah, can i grab you by the back of yurr updo and furce my stale meat down yurr throat fur furr yearrs...i said, oh yeah, fur shurrr!"

it's official!


mariah carey's record label has confirmed that there will be no more singles released from e=mc2.

this means one of two things:

1. with no more singles, radio stations will start weening themselves from moomoo. we're going to start hearing her less and less.

2. sadly, it means that she's going to focus on an acting career. bleccch.

when will she learn that all that glitter was never gold.

Saturday, September 20, 2008

i'll pass, thanks

Genie In A Blog Meme

there are only a few rules.

  • link back to your genie.
  • tag anyone you like.
  • you are allowed ONLY three wishes for each question, so at NO point may you ask for more wishes. if you do, you will be instantly disqualified and a plague of termites will descend upon your home. your hard drive will be completely erased, a thousand fleas will invade your armpits, your toilet won't flush and all your pubes will fall out. forever.
BEGIN:

appearance?
  • i'd like to be taller. much taller. not a giant, but another 4 inches would be great.
  • he bod. Not one that needs work every other day, but one that is just naturally fabulous.
  • gotta say, i want a bigger snake. another 4 inches would be great.
love life?
  • i wish i had explored my sexuality more after coming out.
  • the Devil. i wish i had nailed him like the bitch he is.
  • i wish i wasn't so uptight sometimes. i get weirded out by being outside, being in public or being anywhere that anyone can watch. yet, i think being a voyeur is hot. weird.
global village?
  • no more HIV/AIDS.
  • no more lawlessness from "developed" nations.
  • i'd like to say 'no more corrupt politicians', but more than that, i'd like to see bush/cheney get what they deserve.
career?
  • entertainer
  • writer
  • something-ANYTHING-more creative than right now.
sex with celebrities?
  • colin farrell
  • mark wahlberg
  • eddie cibrian
overall?
  • independently wealthy
  • perfect fit model measurements
  • i get to keep poodle.
i tag:
anyone who wants to do this....just let me know so i can come read your answers!

i REALLY do!

i'm also quite done hearing the two following words:

vet: verb, vet·ted, vet·ting.


~
to appraise, verify, or check for accuracy, authenticity, validity, etc.: An expert vetted the manuscript before publication.






mav·er·ick
[mav-er-ik, mav-rik] –noun


~
a lone dissenter, as an intellectual, an artist, or a politician, who takes an independent stand apart from his or her associates.

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