Friday, October 31, 2008

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Adult Questions ~ Don't Be A Pussy Meme

Welcome to the lisp's first meme! I've snagged this from Alexander. Not sure why...guess I'm feeling like sharing.

1. Is there anyone on your blogroll you would have sex with?
No, because I'se married. But if I wasn't...maybe.

2. Sex in the morning, afternoon or night?
Night. The potential for foul morning breath is too great along with not being fresh "down there."

3. Have you ever had to pull over on the side of the road to puke?
Yes.

4. Have you ever taken your clothes off for money?
No, only for free.

5. Shower or bath while having sex?
Shower.

6. Do you want someone aggressive or passive in bed?
Depends on how I'm feeling.

7. Do you love someone on your blogroll?
This is an odd question. I'm not in love with anyone, but I do ADORE each and every one of them.

8. Love or Money?
The love of money. JK!!! Love. No, money! No. L'amour, l'amour!

9. Credit cards or cash?
Deutsche Marks or dollars, American Express will do nicely, thank you.

10. Have you ever wanted a best friend?
Another odd question. Want as in, "I wish I had..." or want as in, "I wish I could fuck..."? Answer to both is no. I've got many best friends and never wanted/yearned for/wanted to do any of them.

11. Camping or a 5 star hotel?
For me, camping is staying at a 3 star hotel. I do like the cottage, though. And not the dirty kind.

12. Where is the weirdest place you have had sex?
On a bar stool. Yeah, pretty vanilla.

13. Would you shave your entire body (including your head)?
I suppose I would, yes. My bod has experienced baldness at various times, but not all at once. I would be one giant itch.

14. Have you ever been to a strip club?
Maaaaaannnnny times. Not in a long time, though.

15. Ever been to a bar?
Yes.

16. Ever been kicked out of a bar or a club?

Almost.
17. Ever been so drunk someone else had to carry you?

No, but I let them anyway.

18. Had sex in a movie theater?
*GASP!* No.

19. Had sex in a bathroom?
My own.

20. Have you ever had sex at work?
No.

21. Ever been to an adult store?
SRSLY?

22. Bought something from an adult store?
SRSLY?

23. Have you been caught having sex ?
Yes. Fortunately, she didn't have her glasses on and saw very little.

24. Does anyone have naughty pics of you?
I do not know what you mean.

25. Ever had sex with someone and called them by the wrong name?
Not during sex, no. The best way to avoid that is to write their name on your hand, the back of their neck or just skip names altogether.


Now, since NO ONE hardly ever does the memes I tag them for, if you wanna, go'headgo'headgo'headgo'head! Just let me know so I can read y'all's answers.

DO IT!

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Dirty Sexy Money


Last season, I said that Dirty Sexy Money wouldn't make it to Season 2.

Clearly, I was wrong.

I haven't been watching it and just happened to catch an episode tonight. I haven't seen this show in weeks and in 44 minutes, I'm already caught up.

I don't know if I'm the re-smitten kitten over the show, but we'll see.

One thing I know for sure, Candis Cayne (Please!), who plays Carmelita, is NOT a good actress. She's also got an effed up grill that I'm sure she can afford to fix now.















Oh, and Karen Darling is totally rocking the Retro Disco Queen look this season. Shiny old school dresses and bangs. Loving. It.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Fashion Cares, Bitch!


Time to get tweaked, tucked, waxed and buffed! This bitch is going to Fashion Cares on Saturday!

Fashion Cares is the annual gala benefiting the AIDS Committee of Toronto (ACT). The event has been successful for more than twenty years now and this year's theme is "Fashion sCares," with a sexy Hallowe'en theme.

This is all so very last minute since Poodle and I swore off the event about two years ago. We thought we would skip the whole "skin is in" thing and just donate directly to ACT. But today...Poodle's boss invited us both to join her at her executive table. HELLO? I am not about to pass up this opportunity.

I'll be breaking bread with bigwigs; sloshing back champers with celebs; and dancing with Dames. Dame Shirley Bassey, that is!

Dame Shirley (now that sounds like a name) will be the headliner for the night's entertainment.

Katy Perry is going to be there, too. I'm hoping I can have a wee chat with her. And by wee chat, I mean a Tonya Harding to her larynx. See if I ever hear that fucking song again, bee-itch!

The whole thing will be hosted by Canada's fashion diva Jeanne Becker, and ...wait for it... David Furnish. Oh, yeah. Elton's biocce. I'm hoping I can have a little face time with David, too. And by face time, I mean getting a picture of me telling the 'Tox addict that he's starting to look a little old. It. Will. Be. Perfect.

Now I just need to figure out what to wear.

This is going to be difficult since it's "fancy dress" and I just can't do up my fancy dress.

Maybe a sassy bolero instead?


HALP! I need suggestions!

How Very Dare You

You Are 69% Stereotypically Gay

You are quite the stereotypical gay person, my friend. You're practically a Carson Kressley queer, but not quite. A few slow people don't know you're gay yet, but everyone else does. Might as well flaunt it.

How Stereotypically Gay Are You?
Take More Quizzes



Where's The Off Button?

Somebody stop my brain, I want to get off.

It's 3:10am and I have lost the ability to shut my brain off. I thought maybe I could get up and blog some thoughts, but they're totally random.

I'm thinking about work (this past Saturday was my 6 year anniversary) and how much I want to find something else.

I'm thinking about friends that I've lost touch with and I feel so guilty about it, when all I need to do is pick up the fucking phone.

I'm thinking I'm so overdue for a trip to NYC.

I'm thinking about ... just suffice it to say that whatever it is, I'm thinking about it.

Britney's spiral and possible return? Thinkin' it. What my next tattoo will be? Thinkin' it. Is Madonna really doing alright with the whole D-I-V-O-R-C-E? Thinkin' it. Did I do something wrong? Did I say something wrong? Did I just fade from fascination? Thinkin' it, thinkin' it, thinkin' it.

Sleep. Sleep.

Tuesday's Child...


...is full of grace.


Monday, October 27, 2008

Makes Much More Sense Now



"Do-Bee?" You HAD to be high!

Walkin' On Sunshine!!!


Glory be!

Tonight, Intervention is airing everyone's favourite DusterHuffster, Allison!

And here I thought there'd be crap all on television tonight!




Sunday, October 26, 2008

No More Intoxicating My Mind

Fruit Cake Lady

An oldie, but a fucking hysterical goodie!

video

The Lisp ~ No Longer Vegetarian

Beef.

"Alain" here is definitely an UGL (UglyGoodLooking),
a close relative of the SGL (StupidGoodLooking).

There's no jump, but if you want to see more,
go to QueerClick and find out for yourself.

Overheard...

...at Williams-Sonoma by a 9(ish) year old boy to his mother:

Kid: Look at this pumpkin pan! It's just darling!


A future Gay, ladies and gentlemen.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Aw, Crap.

Triplets separated at birth?!?!


Steven Page/Yours Truly/Seth Rogan

Granted, those glasses have a LOT to do with it and I don't really wear them anymore, but damn! I guess I can take comfort in the fact that I'm not a coke-fiend adulterer, or potty mouthed dope head.

Oh, and yes, that's a recent pic of Seth.
Apparently he's slimming down for his role as The Green Hornet.

Things I Know For Sure

Welcome to a new piece I'd like to call Things I Know For Sure. I shall endeavour to bestow upon you, Dear Reader, the little knowledge nuggets I've picked up over the years.

Let's not waste any time.


Do NOT let your mother design and make your prom outfit. Has no one learned anything from House of Deréon?

Also, if you're the boy, only ask ONE girl. If you're a girl, be the ONLY girl. This will only end up a tragedy of epic (or in this case, ghetto fabulous) proportions. Did NO ONE watch Popular?

If you're going to get into porn, or if you are already in porn and making some good money, for Christ's sake!! Get your teef fixed!

...and Paris is the Goddess.

Music is a drug.

When in doubt, believe the label.

Do NOT kiss with your eyes open.
It's creepy, and if someone is watching, you look like a corpse.

Also, if your hair is going, just let it go. Say goodbye. Your head should not resemble an OXO dishwashing brush. It is just not right. Let go and let bald.


And finally....

Mariah Carey and Bruce Villanch could very well be the same person.

Hotly Spiced Pepper Sauce...




It's what comes next.

Perfect!

Spotted this over at SuperUnderwearPerverts!

Friday, October 24, 2008

This Is Strangely Accurate

Spotted this quizzy over at the fabulous, handsome and hysterical Stephen Rader's blog and you know how I do enjoy a good blog toy.

Your result for Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn? Or Someone Else? Mad Men-era Female Icon Quiz...

You Are a Grace!

You are a Grace -- "I need to understand the world."

Graces have a need for knowledge and are introverted, curious, analytical, and insightful.


How to Get Along with Me

  • * Be independent, not clingy

  • * Speak in a straightforward and brief manner

  • * I need time alone to process my feelings and thoughts

  • * Remember that If I seem aloof, distant, or arrogant, it may be that I am feeling uncomfortable

  • * Make me feel welcome, but not too intensely, or I might doubt your sincerity

  • * If I become irritated when I have to repeat things, it may be because it was such an effort to get my thoughts out in the first place

  • * don't come on like a bulldozer

  • * Help me to avoid my pet peeves: big parties, other people's loud music, overdone emotions, and intrusions on my privacy

What I Like About Being a Grace
* standing back and viewing life objectively
* coming to a thorough understanding; perceiving causes and effects
* my sense of integrity: doing what I think is right and not being influenced by social pressure
* not being caught up in material possessions and status
* being calm in a crisis


What's Hard About Being a Grace

  • * being slow to put my knowledge and insights out in the world

  • * feeling bad when I act defensive or like a know-it-all

  • * being pressured to be with people when I don't want to be

  • * watching others with better social skills, but less intelligence or technical skill, do better professionally

Graces as Children Often

  • * spend a lot of time alone reading, making collections, and so on

  • * have a few special friends rather than many

  • * are very bright and curious and do well in school

  • * have independent minds and often question their parents and teachers

  • * watch events from a detached point of view, gathering information

  • * assume a poker face in order not to look afraid

  • * are sensitive; avoid interpersonal conflict

  • * feel intruded upon and controlled and/or ignored and neglected

Graces as Parents

  • * are often kind, perceptive, and devoted

  • * are sometimes authoritarian and demanding

  • * may expect more intellectual achievement than is developmentally appropriate

  • * may be intolerant of their children expressing strong emotions

Take Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn? Or Someone Else? Mad Men-era Female Icon Quiz at HelloQuizzy

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Hot Horsec:o ck???


Spam is a clever and interesting thing.

Several months ago, I mentioned that my email was getting bombarded by every possible Erectile Dysfunction solution, suggestion and remedy. I thought this was particularly funny since my email has the name "Shirley" in it. Anyone named "Shirley" who needs a little blue pill is a "girl" I have no intention of meeting.
Soon after, my email was getting spammed with buying homeopathic medicines, getting special insurance to afford expensive, life saving medicines, even how to get cheaper CANADIAN drugs. Hello?

The Spam demons are at it again. Only this time, the common theme is just nasty, awful, disgusting and in fact, a crime.

Animals. And girls. Sometimes on a farm; sometimes in their own backyard. NASTAY! I was going to post some of the freakier subjects, but I just can't bring myself to do it. I'd rather look into an outhouse hole. Besides, I don't need no freakshows googling some effed up shit and finding The Lisp!

What could ever possess someone to just want even have a glimpse of this kind of debauchery? And WHY do they think I want to, too!???

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

The Whore Whisperer

What it is about me, I'll never know. They seem to flock to me, even when I go all, "eww! yuck!" on them.

And it doesn't matter if they're the tranny kind or the boy kind or the lady kind--a whore will ALWAYS find me and talk to me.

I could regale you jovial tales of chatting with a tranny hooker after trying to scoff of my slice; I could tug on your heart strings with the tragic tome of a poor lady of the night who just had her toof knocked out; I could stun you with the story of the hustler who managed to pick pocket me while I convinced him I would not be taking him home.

Yes, I find them all, but what I find really interesting are the crazy crack whores that I pass every day on my way to work. I'm not walking, mind you. I'm driving. And every morning I usually pass the same 4 or 5 faces about halfway to work (Shuter Street--insert your own joke here..........). There's one that slaps on a giant smile and waves at me as I go by. Frightening, but somehow comforting.

Today, I did not have the iMobile to take to work, so I thought I'd splurge on a cab. I told the driver the route to take --which they hate, but I know from them--and sure enough, as the cabbie passed Smiley, she saw me, smiled and started waving.

How? Why? I don't know. But one of these days, I'm going to stop and either give her a coffee or a lecture.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Does This Make Me Look Gay



Thanks to Towleroad.

Spilled Milk

If Harvey Milk was alive today, you know he would tear apart the people who are trying to "protect" marriage in the state of California. And then he would tear apart the people who should be helping defeat it, but aren't.




Remember, it's not about wanting to get married or not;
it's about having the right to.

Having Said That...

Look how yummy James Franco is in this New York Times video. Try to watch all the way through and tell me if you don't think he sounds gayer as it progresses. Hmmm? Could it be?!

Keith Haring and Madonna

Here's the backdrop video to Into The Groove that I was telling y'all about.
Turn it up, be Gay and enjoy!



video

Tuesday's Child...

...is full of grace.

(Doesn't this guy remind you of Jeff Colby from Dynasty???)

Quick! Someone Call Mariah!


...and Paris.
...and Pam.
...and Brit.
...and Lindsay.
...and The Hills' girls.
...and The Hill's boys.

Monday, October 20, 2008

I Cannot Get Enough Of This!

*Sigh* Does Anyone Care?

Honestly, why anyone gave a shit what this veneered ballsac thought about fashion, I'll never know.

Look at him here! Really?

Oh, alright.

Peace Out. Bitch.

Now That One Is Composed...

I know that for me, using a single word to review anything is completely out of the norm for me. Having said that, "wow" is not all I have to say after seeing The Queen this past Saturday evening.

One needed to collect oneself after one became overwhelmed.


She, the show and the evening was flawless. Smooth and slick. Non-stop energy and seamless set switch ups. I had an amazing time and the fanclub seats were great. Close enough to watch the entire show and with nothing blocking my view.



I don't know if it's the D-I-V-O-R-C-E, or not, but she seemed a little too determined to get it over with. I just didn't think she was having as much fun as she did during Confessions, and trust me, this crowd was giving. it. up. Maybe it's just me.

I wonder if she'll ever abandon her fascination with La Isla Bonita? I actually chose that moment to do something I've never done at a Madonna show. I went to the loo. Back just in time for her to finish and hear You Must Love Me, which was incredible! Otherwise, that whole Gypsy set bugged me a bit.

I LOVED LOVED LOVED the Old School set and felt so GAY with all the Keith Haring artwork. Borderline was so much more awesome rockified than I thought it would be.

Her "request" moment was split with Express Yourself and Holiday. It was the most candid she had been all night and finally seemed like she was having a good time. Maybe it's because she got to bitch out some "sitters in the front."

I nearly lost my mind for the "Rave" section, too. Get Stupid was awesome and I think my American cousins would love to know that my fellow Canadians got super loud when Obama was on screen. I totally think I "did one" during Give It 2 Me and kinda died a little when there was no more after that.

Overall?

Wow. ;)

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Are You Kidding Me With This?


Tattoos.

Yum. Very Yum. I have never hidden my fondness for the inked man. It's hard to believe that something that is such a turn on (for some guys) used to be tabboo and reserved for freaks and criminals.

A tattoo can be an incredible aphrodisiac for many, including moi.

Except sometimes.

I've been thinking long and hard (pun intended) on this and I've determined that there are at least five degrees of Tattoo Hatin' or Tattoo Lovin'.

1st Degree: Clean palate, please. ~or~ No tattoo, no thank you.

2nd Degree: A little goes a long way. ~or~ Nice starter.



3rd Degree: A little too much. ~or~ Can I buy you breakfast?

4th Degree: Everywhere? No. ~or~ Everywhere? Yes!


...and finally:



5th Degree: Are you kidding me with this!?
(works both ways)


(One of the aforementioned "freaks")

About Last Night



Wow.

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Jumping The Gun?

I think I may have settled too soon on those Madonna tickets I auctioned off. This is a seller who has tickets very close to the two that I sold. Three Grand??!! Wow.


Now, before all you Madonna naysayers (that's YOU, CB!) start squawking about paying that much $$$ for a show, check this out. I saw this on Stubhub.



That screenpic was taken 12 days ago. If you go to StubHub today, the tickets are gone. Someone PAID $30,000 for those tickets.

Must be nice. Oops. There's that shade of green that looks so bad on me.

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