Sunday, November 30, 2008

Douche of the Week

Okay.

This is the one and only time this award will be bestowed upon this particular group. Let's face it, they could take it any day of the week, but I'll mention it just this once and we can move on.

Westboro Baptist "Church" are the Douchebags of the Week.


Yes, they picket the funerals of American Soldiers. Yes, they've demonstrated at churches that have allowed civil unions or Goddess forbid, same sex weddings. Yes, they've tried unsuccessfully to come to Canada for some of their twisted rallies (under Canada's Hate Laws, they're not permitted into the country).

Their latest stunt was in a tiny town in Oregon called Silverton, population 2000. You see, the tiny community that you've never heard of voted in Stu Rasmussen as their Mayor. No biggie? Well, Stu happens to be America's first transgendered mayor voted into office.

So the kind and christian folk at WBC decided to head out to Silverton with signs in tow. Well, four of them anyway. Along with their typical "God Hates Fags" signs and standing on the U.S flag (out of deliberate disrespect) were signs saying "Obama is the Anti-Christ" etc, etc, etc.

What I love about this story is that about 150 people from the tiny town of Silverton showed up with their own signs in retaliation and defense of their elected official:


Shit like this gives me hope that we can get past what we think is a lack of progress. We need to unite and fight.

Remember, those folk in California and Arizona and wherever! .... voted on something that just three days before, heard their Preachers and Ministers and Priests and Elders say that they should vote against. Hell! Even Florida finally struck down a clause/law/bullshit that said that gays couldn't adopt! Sidebar: You just know that the swashbuckling crusaders from Westboro will show up in Miami in the next few days.

So there you have it.

WBC. Douchebags of the week.

AUX

He might be a little lean (have a peanut butter and brown sugar sandwich!),
Luke McFarlane (from Brothers & Sisters) is totally my A.U.X.


AND...he's homegrown Canadian Grade A fabulousness!

Breakdown

Gay Check




Friday, November 28, 2008

Turkey's Of The Year: the lisp Edition

The Notorious J*O*E* has recruited some blogfolk to syndicate and spread his buttcheeks Turkeys Of The Year.

After reviewing last years birds, I had to really think long and hard on this. Who would I nominate for Turkey '08? So many choices.

I wanted to stay away from the obvious. Republicans are such easy targets and they're SO five minutes ago. Besides, they've already stuffed their heads up their butts so there's probably not room for bread and chestnuts, too.

Here, in no particular order, is the lisp edition of Joe's Turkey's '08:



"Millions of
People Struggle With Addiction. Most Need Help to Stop."

Right out of the gate, is Amy Winehouse. I am done with her bullshit. Finished. I've had my own intervention and I've delivered my conditions. She hasn't met them and I can no longer give her any money.

The whole time that Blake Incarcerated has been locked away has been a grueling ordeal--for me! That whole baby mice/babyshambles youtube thing was just far too fucked for me.



"Here's The Story, Of A Man Named Groban."

Josh Groban's performance at the Emmy's was one of the biggest turkeys of the year. It was painful and I was just plain embarrassed for him. A medley of television theme songs? No. Just, no.

I'm not a huge fan at all (although this is a nice pic of him and I hear he's packing) I respect that he can sing. But that was just a horrid example of a bad choice.

Blech.



"I Sick."

Instead of canceling her crappy Rockwitchu Tour, Janet chose to call in sick. A lot.

You know, if she was my employee, she'd be put on a Performance Improvement Plan for attendance, but that's just me.

Janet was actually hospitalized by her undisclosed "mystery illness" in Montréal, which if I'm not mistaken, was the first of many "suddenly ill" moments.

Meanwhile, during the tour, news broke that LL Cool J had to leave due to "scheduling conflicts" and that Janet "left" her label. Now, we're hearing that she's "taking time off" to start a family.

Oh, and you don't really need me to comment on the horrendous outfit, right? Right.

"Who, Dear? Me, Dear? Gay, Dear? No, Dear."

Yes, I'm saying it. Anderson is a turkey. Just come out already! Instead of runnin' around the jungle handling Jeff Corwin's "anaconda," get all up in there and admit you're a shirt lifter! Damn!

I still think he's a total silver fox, but I'm grouchy. So there.



"Sorry Seems To Be The Easiest Word."


George gets caught again and apologizes again. For God's Sakes! Rent out Hyde Park and do it in private! Even Elton John, the world's biggest Gay, doesn't get caught! Smarten up already!


"I Am...Gonna Barf."

Finally, we have the "Sashafication" of Beyoncé. Yes, I like that "put a ring on it" shite, and there are actually some okay tracks on her newest CD. I'm just not about to flame out and learn the dance, like so many of The Gays have done.

It's just that I'm so fucking tired of her bullshit.

  • Srsly? Sasha Fierce? That's a fucking drag name--and not a good one either!
  • Every movie she does involves singing. Not acting.
  • Dereon.
  • The whole not acknowledging Jay-Z has gone from stupid to fucked up. Up until a week ago, she didn't even admit she was married. It took fucking Oprah Winfrey to suss it out of her, and even then she was all, "gurrrrrl, I already said too much!"
  • The hair. Wigs, whatever. It's about that shit flying all over the place and whipping it back and forth and having your invisible wind machine with you where ever you go. E-nuff. Snapping your ponytail isn't dancing. And it is tuuuuurrred.
Ahhhhhhh. I feel good. Getting all that off my chest feels good. By the way have you seen THIS? Go to 3:35 right away. It doesn't make him a turkey, but it is damn funny.

And there you have my Turkey's '08. They won't be as sassy as J*O*E*'s, but then nothing is.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Black Kids Rock


If you haven't become familiar with the alt sounds of Black Kids, then you oughta!

Black Kids are The Killers and Franz Ferdinand having a baby, giving it up for adoption, being raised by The Gossip with The Ting Tings as next door neighbours and The Cure as their godfather.

Their new CD, Partie Traumatic, is quite enjoyable. It's a little predictable in that it is very much the new "ALT Sound" of the late 00's, which is just a rehash of the 80's sound, but it is still very much fun!

Hurricane Jane is a fun song to just groove along to while sipping on a Grey Goose martini. I know they don't look like it, but they've got a sophisticated angle to their sound. Enjoy the following tracks.

Hurricane Jane
I'm Not Going To Teach Your Boyfriend How To Dance
Partie Traumatic
Listen To Your Body Tonight

Oh, scrap it. I'm going to post the whole thing.

Ruh-Ro

I was really disappointed by this. Her dream of having a nighttime variety show didn't quite hit the mark, did it?



I think having it in a giant theater was probably a little overdone, but at least there weren't any empty seats. And even though she kept touching her belly (girl, take it from me...don't touch your fat) I thought she looked really good. Very old Hollywood glam. I like it when she gets all made up like a drag queen.

Except....

It all just seemed a little vaudevillian for my tastes. Actually, it seemed about 10 years past it's best before date. I'd rather see her do a sit down show like Jon Stewart. That's where she could really do something.

Ro Ro, it's too late to bring back the Queen of Nice. She abdicated a long time ago.

Thanksgiving PSA

Since most of you may have already forgotten, I thought I'd remind:
  • One mixed drink
  • One glass of wine
  • Half a cup of mixed nuts
  • One ounce of potato or tortilla chips
  • Three cups salad with diet dressing
  • Six ounces of white and dark turkey
  • Half a cup of stuffing
  • Half a cup of cranberry sauce
  • Half a cup of mashed potatoes
  • Half a cup of gravy
  • Half a cup of candied sweet potatoes
  • A dinner roll
  • A pat of butter
  • A slice of pecan pie
  • A slice of pumpkin pie
  • Half a cup of whipped cream
  • Half a cup of ice cream
...comes to 3255 calories.
You will need to walk 32.55 miles, 52.5 kilometers, or 65100 steps,
assuming you cover one mile in 2,000 steps.

Gobble, gobble!!

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Monday, November 24, 2008

Gay Check

Can we just refocus here for a second?

He Can Haz...

Sunday, November 23, 2008

I Hate Your Fashion

..is one of my new blog discoveries. At I Hate Your Fashion, you are going to see tons of douchebags, girls flashing their drawers, cougars and various nightclub lichen.

For example, "The Douchification of the Graphic T-Shirt":

Good times! Head over and check out douches of all kinds!

Caption This! Results

Oops.
It's been awhile since I posted that picture so I best take care of this mucho prontissimo.

You all did very well! Loved them all, but I gotta give it to j*o*e*.

"i loved you in that book...sex, i think it was called"

Imagining Queen Betty saying the word "sex," never mind actually reading the book, pitched me into a special pool of giggles.

"Returned To Fabulon"

One of my most favouritest blogs has ended it's crystal chandelier, Mame Martini, Mysterion, soireé of fabulosity.

Thombeau has called it a day on Planet Fabulon and I wish him the very best. If you never had a chance to visit his blog, please go now. It hasn't been deleted yet and you'll just kick yourself if you don't.

Thombeau's blog was a swirl of couture, art, style, Edith Head, design, sequins, Louboutin, colour, and Leigh Bowery. You get the picture.

Thombeau, I wish you the best and really hope we will see you hanging around every once in awhile. You are always invited to the party.

At The Movies

I got lippy with Mr. Peenee's movie meme and ended up getting tagged. Here are the rules:

Blog Cabin's Alphabetical Movie Meme. The rules of the meme go something like this:
1. Pick one film to represent each letter of the alphabet.

2. The letter "A" and the word "The" do not count as the beginning of a film's title, unless the film is simply titled A or The, and I don't know of any films with those titles.

3. [As regards franchises and sequels,] movies are stuck with the titles their owners gave them at the time of their theatrical release. Use your better judgment to apply the above rule to any series/films not mentioned.

4. Films that start with a number are filed under the first letter of their number's word. 12 Monkeys would be filed under "T."

5. Link back to Blog Cabins in your post so that I can eventually type "alphabet meme" into Google and come up #1, then make a post where I declare that I am the King of Google.


6. If you're selected, you have to then select 5 more people.--

So, rather than just post a bunch of movie titles, I really challenged myself to come up with something different. I have created a list of Gay Themed/Sensibility Alphabetical movies! And yes, I have seen every one of them.
  1. All Over The Guy
  2. Boys In The Band
  3. Connie And Carla
  4. Doom Generation, The
  5. Edge of Seventeen
  6. Fluffer, The
  7. Gods And Monsters
  8. Hanging Garden, The
  9. I Think I Do
  10. Jeffrey
  11. Kiss Me, Guido
  12. Love! Valour! Compassion!
  13. Mambo Italiano ( very My Big Fat French-Canadian/Italian Wedding!)
  14. Notes on a Scandal
  15. Opposite of Sex, The
  16. Paris Is Burning
  17. Queen, The (because NOTHING is gayer than Royalty)
  18. Rebel Without A Cause
  19. Stonewall
  20. Touch of Pink
  21. Urbania
  22. Velvet Goldmine
  23. Wizard of Oz, The
  24. Xanadu (not much choice here, thankfully a rollerskating ONJ is pretty gay)
  25. Y Tu Mamá También (which wasn't really a gay movie, but ...)
  26. Zero Patience (A BAD Canadian movie musical about "Patient Zero")
If you've read this far, you should consider yourself tagged. Do try to come up with a different theme.


Apologize

I'm holdin' on your rope,
Got me ten feet off the ground.
And I'm hearin' what you say,
But I just can't make a sound.
You tell me that you need me,
Then you go and cut me down...
But wait...
You tell me that you're sorry,
Didn't think I'd turn around...
And say...
That it's too late to apologize.

Douche Of The Week

"Mike Apollo" from Playgirl.com

Friday, November 21, 2008

Does This...

...armband make me look gay?


Father Knows Best? ~or~ ...And Your Little Dog, Too!

A creepy note was tacked to the front door of 12 Welwyn Avenue, a modest home in a quiet corner of Toronto's East end.

It read: "Do not enter, call police."

Inside, were the bodies of four people, Keith and Wanda Delong, and their adult children Elizabeth and Richard. For several days now, people have been waiting to learn the details of the gruesome discovery. Police are not really confirming or denying anything, but what we now know is this:

This was a case of domestic violence and that Keith Delong -- a quiet, mild mannered and well liked member of his community -- killed his family and then took his own life, but not before killing the family's apricot poodle, Charlotte.

I don't mean to sound callous or cold hearted here, but...even the dog pissed him off? How far does someone have to be pushed before they snap like that?

Let this be a lesson to you all: Take your meds.


Things I Know...

I'm calling it right now, Bryan Thomas is my AUX.
(Alternate Universe X-boyfriend)

Going to an afternoon movie alone is a different kind of fun.

Looking back, he jumped the shark right after this.
(except for So I Married An Axe Murderer)

Getting a "special" email with "exclusive" pics from Gregory Capra doesn't make you his friend. The email isn't special and those pics aren't exclusive to anyone.

Sometimes, no matter how inappropriate, it just works.

Ethan Hawke looks rough. Like 100 miles of unpaved highway rough.
Just goes to show I was right all along:
Ethan Hawke=Nasty.
(click to enlargerize and you'll see exactly what I mean)

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Spies Suck


I'm infected.

For the last three days I've been duking it out with some spyware virus in my system. Everytime I think I get close to a cure, I find my system gets even sicker.

We're talking about major lethargy, erratic behaviour, binging and purging. The list is endless. Headache.

I don't even like typing the words spyware virus for fear it could bring more aggravation. But that would leave me with "SWV" and the last thing I need are some witless fools looking for Sisters With Voices music.

I'm two minutes from taking advantage of my friend's Apple discount and ditching the whole thing for something slick, sleek and not sick.

This is probably payback for all that Schadenfreude.

Sexy Wednesday


When did this happen? Milo NEVER did anything for me...but those arms could do a lot.

(sorry, T$, but you know it's true.)

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

SAVE THE DATE


DETAILS TO COME....

...but if you've ever wanted to go to a place as secluded a place like heaven, but somewhere in The Indian Ocean...stay tuned...
Poodle and I are planning something quite fabulous. It's not for some time, yet, but it's in the books.

Wanna Google? Look at Mauritius, Maldives, The Sechelles. Got some contacts? Well then hook a sister up!

WATCH THIS SPACE!!!

Tuesday's Child...

...is full of grace.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Douche Of The Week

Welcome to a new feature here at the lisp.

With all the crap flying around out there, I thought I'd just go on ahead and pick one to highlight. This was a diffiuclt task. So, to make it easier, I just looked to the Yes on 8 people.

Then, I remembered watching Larry King Live on Friday with Joy Behar (as host). She had Dan Savage, Gavin Newsom and 2 Yes ministers.

While the two Yes ministers were both horrible, I had to focus on one of them. I couldn't track the video, I did get the transcript. I've highlighted the douche-y comments:

BEHAR: Let me start with you, Dan. California voted against gay marriage. They voted against it. It's one of the most liberal states in the country. Maybe Americans just don't want it. How do you respond to that?

DAN SAVAGE, SYNDICATED COLUMNIST: Well, sometimes majorities are wrong. Once upon a time, a majority of Americans wanted the Japanese in interred in internment camps. Once upon a time, a majority of Americans restricting women from voting. Once upon a time, a majority of Americans supported slavery and Jim Crow. Majorities of Americans are frequently wrong. Majorities right now are wrong. But the majorities are getting slimmer and slimmer.
As Cynthia Nixon said in the previous segment, in 2000, it passed, an anti-gay marriage law, by 22 points. Now it passed in California by four. In four more years or eight more years, it will -- gay marriage will triumph. We will win in California, which is why the religious right is so desperate right now to amend state constitutions and the federal constitution wherever they can, because they want to take a picture, a snapshot in time, right now, of the anti-gay bigotry as it exists right now, because they can feel it slipping away. BEHAR: Reverend Jackson, do you feel that is true? Is there a desperation in your cause?

BISHOP HARRY JACKSON JR., HOPE CHRISTIAN CHURCH: No. The only desperation is that marriage as we know it could become extinct. In the black, for example, I look at seven out of eight babies being born out of wedlock, 40 percent of young women will never get married. That's just a snapshot of where marriage is going for everybody in America.
So I'm concerned that my daughters won't find husbands and that their families won't be complete. And there's more at risk than just what's happening with gays, as what's happening with the entire culture.

BEHAR: Respond? SAVAGE: If straight people aren't stepping up to the plate and taking responsibility when they're marrying and having children and are starting families that's not the fault of gays and lesbians. Preventing gays and lesbians from marrying doesn't improve heterosexual behavior, heterosexual families.

JACKSON: It has to do with redefining and diluting an institution. So we're dealing with the fact that this institution is troubled. There needs to be positive reinforcement of this institution. We as clergy, I think, have failed in giving the right pattern for heterosexual marriages. But that is something we address at the same time.

BEHAR: Why not throw your efforts behind that, by improving heterosexual marriages?

JACKSON: That we are. I think it has to be both. If we are redefined, I'm not willing to say what if, in the black community -- we've got nine out of ten babies born out of wedlock. What if, in the black community, we have 60 percent of our young women not getting married at all? That's unacceptable to me.

SAVAGE: Then ban divorce. Attack heterosexual shortcomings. Take the fight to the heterosexual family and heterosexuals who are behaving badly. Don't attack a very tiny percentage of the population who want to do the right thing, who want to be responsible. My partner and I have adopted a son. It would be in that child's best interest if his parents were married. The same state that signed off on our adoption, that approved our adoption, will not let that child's parents marry. How does that protect that child? How does that protect a heterosexual family?

Come on! He's concerned his daughter won't be able to find a husband because all the men are marrying each other??? His daughter's chances at not getting married have more to do with how nasty a skeezer she is than whether a gay man will marry her or not.

Of course, she could always get married to one of those "reformed" gays. She'll be in for a lifetime of hurt after she walks in on him giving his sponsor a nice "reformed" rimjob on the linoleum.

Bishop Harry Jackson, Jr., I'm sorry to tell you sir, but you are, without prejudice and with all due respect, this week's douchebag.

(If I find the video, I'll post it.)

One Down, Warming Up

The wave of outrage against Prop 8 continues to grow.

At yesterday's protest in Las Vegas, Wanda Sykes used the event to come strolling out of the closet ('cause you know we already knew, right?) and told the world that she is a lesbian.

I hope this inspires more "closeted" celebrities to do the same. I'd write their names, but I don't want to get sued.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Walkin' On Sunshine Part II

Allison isn't the only one.


...and for your viewing pleasure.
ppfffffffffffffffft.

Someone's Having A Birfday

Can you guess who?

Oh, go on, take a guess.


Nope, guess again.


Wow, you're just really bad at this, aren't you?

Some hints? Fine.
New York.
Madonna.
Sicilian.
Notorious.
Still, no?
Really?
.....
Oh, I know...
Biochey Celebrity Terrorist.

Yes!
From one diva to another, Happy Birfday, J*O*E*!

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