Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Push The Buddin

Here's that super cute and funny exchange between Anderson and Kathy.


Silver And Red, Silver And Red

I adore Kathy Griffin. She was on Larry King last night and had me near to tears.

Kathy and Anderson Cooper will be doing their New Year's Eve show. Seeing as how I'm kinda housebound and I'm all about that. I'm secretly hoping Kathy will get tipsy and out Mr. Cooper on live television.They had such funny banter back and forth last night! She was caustic; he was giggling. He sounds so adorable when he's laughing! He might not have the gay face, but he sure do got a purdy mouth!

Calling All Bloggers

Kids, the time has very nearly arrived! I am in the final decision stages of PC or Mac. I need some honest feedback from those of you have switched from one to the other, and from those of you who have remained tried and true to your system of choice.

I'm currently on a slowly dying (as you know) PC. It has had its time in the sun, but I think it's time to take the old Gateway up to the farm so it can chase rabbits and laze around.

I'm currently looking at the 20" iMac (24" is just decadent, isn't it?). I'm thinking of increasing the memory to 4GB instead of the standard 2GB. Also, bumping up the hard drive to 500GB from the standard 320GB.

Next, we have the iLife and any standard programs vs. the iWork, Aperture, Logic Express, File Maker etc...

Lastly, the Protection Plan. I've always been of the school that most extended warantees aren't necessary if you've got a good product. Sooooooo, Mac users, have you ever had a problem where you wished you had bought the extra AppleCare?

The MobileMe membership doesn't look anything I really need at all. I mean, I'm pretty scattered, but how many programs does one person need to get their shit together, I ask you?

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Like Jesus Or Not

So, the blogs are abuzz with this Brazilian fella right here, Jesus Luz. Obviously, we all know that he is supposedly Madonna's current, um, companion.

According to what source you get your information from, Jesus is anywhere from 20 to 25 years old. The latest goss is that he's a "porn star."

Porn Star? Please. He's a male model who appeared in an erotic television show in Brazil. Hell! Even Tony Ward wasn't really a "porn star."

I'm not surprised that gossip sites and magazines are all over this. That's what they do, but why is this "news" to CNN, The Huffington Post and so on? So he's a young, tight, side of beef! Who cares?? Anyone making a big deal about it is just projecting their jealousy, wishing they could bag a young buck like that.

What should really be news is Madonna's luggage! I am totally digging on the Hard Candy luggage tags and I must have them, but I'd expect that the Queen of the Universe would have better luggage than Samsonite!

Monday, December 29, 2008

DNA On Your Complexion

Oh my heavens to Betsy's stars!

Bryan Thomas, my Alternate Universe X-boyfriend, has won DNA's Mate of the Year!

I knew he'd win. And his victory means that we're going to see even more of him!

***Le Sigh***

Now. About that jumpsuit...

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Does This... hat make me look gay?

What about the gold embroidery?
The red shoes?
The gold scarf?
My attendants?
The beautiful cream silk dupioni lining on my cape?
The lace work on my frock?

Alright. As long as you say so. Let's go. It's happy hour at the ManHole.

Year In Review

I enjoyed doing a year end wrap up last year, but I gotta say, it was a lot of work. If I'm going to put lots of work into a post, I best be all about it!

Here is my music wrap up for 2008. (Most links go to a DL)

Favourite CD's of '08
  • Hard Candy ~ The Queen. That's kind of obvious, no?
  • Day & Age ~ The Killers
  • Bring Ya To The Brink ~ Cyndi Lauper

Third ~ Portishead

  • We Started Nothing ~ The Ting Tings
  • Donkey ~ CSS
  • In Ghost Colours ~ Cut/Copy
  • Seventh Tree ~ Goldfrapp

Sam Sparro ~ Sam Sparro

Favourite Tracks of '08

Give It 2 Me ~ The Queen

  • Black And Gold & Hot Mess ~ Sam Sparro
  • I'm Yours ~ Jason Mraz
  • American Boy ~ Estelle
  • Human ~ The Killers
  • Dress You Up ~ Darren Hayes
  • Mr. Hurricane ~ Beast
  • Cities In Dust ~ Junkie XL
  • I'm Not Going To Teach Your Boyfriend How To Dance ~ Black Kids
  • Slap A Bitch ~ Macy Gray
  • The Fear ~ Lily Allen
  • Into The Nightlife ~ Cyndi Lauper
  • Disco Lies & I Like To Move In Here ~ Moby
  • Caravan Girl ~ Goldfrapp
  • Hearts On Fire ~ Cut/Copy
  • Beautiful U R ~ Deborah Cox
  • You Know Me Better ~ Roisin Murphy
  • You Can't Handle Me ~ Robyn
  • That's Not My Name & Great DJ ~ The Ting Tings
  • Underneath ~ Alanis Morrissette
  • Sober ~ P!nk
  • Sweet About Me ~ Gabrielle Cilmi
My Favourite Discoveries

Either Colossally Mediocre Or I Just Couldn't Roll With of '08

Discipline ~ Janet Jackson. I'm not sure if it was me or her, but one of us didn't have enough of it.

  • 808's and Heartbreak ~ Kanye West. I've had my say.
  • Circus ~ Britney. Three Ring Circus is obviously the inspiration behind this one because there'sonly about three tracks that are any good.
  • The Slip ~ Nine Inch Nails. Ever since Pretty Hate Machine, I've been chasing the dragon with this one.
  • Boombox ~ Kylie Minogue. It's not even released yet, and I have already stopped listening to it. I was so excited when I found a leaked copy. Then it went boom.
  • Call And Response: Remix Album ~ Maroon 5. Response: Don't do it. There's just a handful of acceptable remixes, but really? Maroon 5 isn't so much a remix band, is it now?
  • Alchemy GST Reloaded ~ Ultra Naté. I don't even know why I bothered.
  • Viva La Vida ~ Coldplay. It's okay. meh. I'll admit I haven't given it a solid chance.
  • I just can't commit to Katy Perry.
New Artist/Band Dangerously Close To Being Overexposed
  • Katy Perry
  • MGMT

The Ting Tings

  • Leona Lewis
  • Duffy
So Overplayed I Just Can't, Even If I Wanted To of '08
  • I Kissed A Girl/Hot And Cold ~ Katy Perry. Yes, I tapped my toes, but officially, I'm offended.

Mariah Carey. Pick one.

  • Womanizer ~ Britney Spears. I actually tried to count how many times she says "womanizer." Couldn't do it. Got lost at 32.
  • Shut Up And Let Me Go ~ The Ting Tings. Only if you shut up first.
  • Spotlight ~ Jennifer Hudson. Just finished with it. That's all.
  • Feedback ~ Janet Jackson. Here's some: take a break.

When I Grow Up ~ The Pussycat Dolls. Groupies, people. Groupies.

  • So What ~ P!nk. Stop with the nanna nanna boo boo.
  • Pocket Full of Sunshine ~ Natasha Bedingfield. That must burn.
  • Damaged ~ Danity Kane. So much production work here that they aren't actually singing, are they?
  • Single Ladies ~ Beyoncé. First I thought it was frantic. Then, I started to like it. Now? "Used to like it but she need to put a cork in it!"
  • Dance Like There's No Tomorrow ~ Paula Abdul. Keep it up and there won't be a "tomorrow."
  • It's Over ~ Jesse McCartney. Your words, not mine.
  • Disturbia ~ Rihanna. It worked. I'm disturbed.
  • Mercy ~ Duffy. Gonna get skewered for that but it's TOO MUCH already!

Bleeding Love ~ Leona Lewis. Is it just me, or does anyone else think "period?"

'09 Should Be A Good Year For:
  • Lily Allen. It's Not Me, It's You's first single, The Fear, rules my world.
  • Kylie Minogue. While I couldn't get with Boombox, I know everyone else will.
  • Lady Gaga. She really owns a spot in every part of this list. Sometimes I dig her, sometimes not. I predict '09 will be great for her, she'll do another CD, and then that's it.
  • The Killers. It's a great CD and we're bound to see fantastic egotism from Brandon Flowers.

Justin Timberlake. For The Girls Who Get Tipsy was just a taste of what's to come.

Naturally, this is just me. There's loads more, but these were the standouts, I guess.
If I think of anything else, I'll be sure to let y'all know. But one last thought.

Least favourite moment in music this year?
I can let go of a nasty shirtless Iggy Pop standing next to her.
I'll forgive Tom Cruise for getting close enough to be photographed with her.

But this!! Can never be unseen.

No More Room For J-E-L-L-O

As a kid, I used to pound this crap back like it was the cure to obesity.

Naturally, I have long grown out of enjoying the jiggly dessert. Besides, when was the last time you saw Jell-O on the menu at a big-boy restaurant? Exactly.

Even if it was perfectly acceptable to ask for Jell-O, I don't think I can ever, never, ever, never, EVER think about Jell-O, or watch anyone eat it, ever, ever, ever again.

If anyone is keeping score, I no longer eat Jell-O.

Here's the thing: I'm not as worldly as some folk, or ever really excelled at that book learnin' stuff but I'm a pretty smart fella.

Obviously, I know that this childhood treat is made with gelatin, I never knew where gelatin came from. SRSLY. I just accepted it as is.

Gelatin (also gelatine, from French gélatine) is a translucent, colourless, brittle, nearly tasteless solid substance, extracted from the collagen inside animals' skin and bones.

I. Did. Not. Know. That.

Reminder...back in September, I provided a very detailed post on what I will and will not eat. I do not eat skin. I do not eat any meat on the bone, ever. I won't eat anything that is served with it's face still on it.

Back to gelatin. That got me to thinking about other things that gelatin is used for that is ingested. Back to the wiki:

Common examples of foods that contain gelatin are gelatin desserts, trifles, aspic, marshmallows, and confectioneries such as Peeps and gummy bears. Gelatin may be used as a stabilizer, thickener, or texturizer in foods such as ice cream, jams, yogurt, cream cheese, and margarine; it is used, as well, in fat-reduced foods to simulate the mouthfeel of fat and to create volume without adding calories.

Uh, don't forget those AdvilTylenolContacC gel caps that we're all so fond of.

I am going to have to seriously evaluate why I'm not a vegetarian yet.

Saturday, December 27, 2008

The Twelve Days Of Kwanzaa

...according to Shirley Q. Liquor


Which by the way, means Not Safe For Anyone, Anywhere.

If I've said it once, ... actually, I did only say it once, but no good can come from and this pic is, if nothing else, proof of that:

Give up? It's Donatella vacationing on the Sun.

Hey, Mr DJ...Put A Record On...

Friday, December 26, 2008

Overheard ~OR~ The Reason For The Season

At my local front for criminal activity coffee shop, I am likely to hear any and all kinds of conversation. The shop is the home base for my neighbourhood's bohemian artist elites. I say elite because more than half of the regulars also live in this historically designated area of the city. Suffice it to say that even renting a basement apartment in one of the Victorians will run you well over $1,000 a month.

These folks kind of remind me of the kids in Rent. Struggling, starving, drug addicted and secretly rich.

Today was like any other, except that it was near empty and incredibly quiet --and by quiet, I mean not having to yell over The Stooges to order a latté. While buddy made my coffees, this dirty schmo comes in and starts chatting up the other server. This was my treat:

Dirty Dykey Server: Hey! So how was your EXmas?

Dirty Schmo: Dude! I don't know! I'm just getting home now! I was partying all night long.

DDS: On what?

DS: Acid, man!

DDS: It's an acid christmas!

DS: Yeah, man! My friend called me up, said, "there's twenty of us here, get over here." So I go and I asked them if they'd ever had Christmas dinner fucked up on acid. So we did it!

DDS: Crazy.

DS: Yeaaah. I don't even think we ate dinner. The last thing I remember is someone peeling the skin off the turkey and putting it on their face.

And that was when I knew I was done. Naturally, the question "ever had Christmas dinner fucked up on acid" means that it's not his first time. Loverly.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Mademoiselle Kitt, Toujours Gai

January 17, 1927– December 25, 2008

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Merry Christmakkahwanzaa

(image shamelessly stoled from David Dust)

I hope you have a wonderful, safe, sexy, fantastic and
lisp-tacular Christmas!

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

6 Pack Meme

Scooter tagged me on this 6 pack meme. I don't think he's ever tagged me before, so I guess that's okay.

1. Link to the person who tagged you.
2. Post the rules on your blog.
3. Write six random things about yourself.
4. Tag six people at the end of your post and link to them.
5. Let each person know they've been tagged and leave a comment on their blog.
6. Let the tagger know when your entry is up.

Six Random Things About Me.

I am afraid of birds. They make me incredibly nervous and I don't trust them. There are two types of birds that I'm particularly afraid of. The first one is any kind of bird as a house pet that is allowed to be out of its cage. As far as I'm concerned, birds either stay in a cage or go outside. That's it. Second, pigeons scare the crap out of me. They're dirty and disgusting, pointless and absolutely fearless. They have no problem keeping their ground as you walk toward them and move at the very last second, usually in a fury of feathers. They'll swoop right in front of your face if you come between it and the cigarette butt on the street.

Cigarettes. I'm so almost done with smoking. Now, I find that I only smoke socially and since I'm a shut-in here's little worry of that. I have gained a crapload of weight so I may go back, just for vanity reasons, of course. Oh, and yes, I realize that smoking can make me look older and it doesn't really look all that pretty, but I'm already married and I could be thinner. Top that.

This could get my card revoked, but I don't care a thing for Judy or Liza. Srsly. Could not care less about them. I accept they are icons of the gay community but it doesn't mean I have to like them. I figure there are more than enough card carrying members of the Judy Garland Memorial Bowling League to make up for my disinterest in this Mother/Daughter combo.

I am always warm. Always. I think air conditioning is a godsend and I would just die without it. Like many of y'all, I sleep nekkid, and I usually sleep with just the sheet covering my bits even in the winter. I wasn't always hot all the time. I used to wear shirts and sweaters all the time, but not no more. I am rarely comfortable and when I am, it doesn't take much for my internal thermostat to jack itself up. It's really quite annoying.

Speaking of sleeping, I'm mostly a side sleeper. If I sleep on my back, I will likely snore and I usually have my hands in a "stick 'em up" pose. I MUST have at least one foot outside of the covers and I can't be "tucked in." It makes me feel claustrophobic. I don't let any part of the sheets under my body. Anywhere. I'll freak out. But I have overcome the fear of sleeping on dark coloured sheets. A long time ago, I was sleeping at a trick's close friend's place who had navy blue sheets. I woke in the night with everything so dark, I thought my pillow was blood soaked. I'm okay now. Even on red sheets. Rowwwrrr.

When I was a kid, about 6 or 7, I walked in on my cousin (female) getting changed and I felt so weird and awkward and flustered. But instead of running away, I put up my dukes and said, "Wanna playfight?" Shoulda known then that the sight of a half naked woman did nothing but make me nervous and act weird.

Okay, now I'm supposed to tag 6 people. I'm going to tag people I've never or very rarely tagged. So let's see....

Rad, Chris, Raven, Zach, Michael, and Gallus (who has a sexy new banner!)

Monday, December 22, 2008

Douche Of The Week

Sorry, I'm a day late with this.

Quite simply, my car is the lisp's Douchebag of the Week.

It decided to die. Just...die. At first I thought it might be a frozen gas line but my brother-in-law took a look and he thinks its something called an alternator.

Alternator? Honey, in my world, that's someone who is bi.

In the meantime, it's the week of Christmas, I'm not done my shopping, and I just know my dealership isn't going to be able to take it.

Luckily, Poodle's sister said we could borrow one of their vehicles while they're away.


Kids Say Some Funny Shit

Poodle and I had the pleasure of babysitting our niece for a few hours this evening.

She is 3½ and I think she is starting to get curious about her two uncles who live in one house.

While playing, she asked me if Poodle was my "daddy."

I said no, and then she asked:

"Then who's your daddy?"

I know, right?

Many Rivers...

Many rivers to cross
But I can`t seem to find
My way over
Wandering I'm lost
As I travel along
The white cliffs of Dover

Many rivers to cross
And it`s only my will
That keeps me alive
I`ve been licked
Washed up for years
And I merely survived
Because of my pride

And this loneliness won`t leave me alone
It`s such a drag to be on your own
Love has left me and I don't know the reason why
Well I guess, I have to cry

Many rivers to cross
But just where to begin
I`m playing for time
There`ll be times when I find myself
Thinking of committing
Some dreadful crime.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

The Holiday Armadillo!!

Hanukkah, also known as the Festival of Lights, is an eight-day Jewish holiday commemorating the rededication of the Holy Temple in Jerusalem at the time of the Maccabean Revolt of the 2nd century BCE. Hanukkah is observed for eight nights, starting on the 25th day of Kislev according to the Hebrew calendar, and may occur from late November to late December on the Gregorian calendar. The festival is observed by the kindling of the lights of a special candelabrum, the Menorah, one light on each night of the holiday, progressing to eight on the final night. An extra light called a shamash (Hebrew: "guard" or "servant") is also lit each night, and is given a distinct location, usually higher or lower than the others. The purpose of the extra light is to adhere to the prohibition, specified in the Talmud, against using the Hanukkah lights for anything other than publicizing and meditating on the Hanukkah story.

"Hanukkah", from the Hebrew word for "dedication" or "consecration", marks the re-dedication of the Temple in Jerusalem after its desecration by the forces of Antiochus IV and commemorates the "miracle of the container of oil". According to the Talmud, at the re-dedication following the victory of the Maccabees over the Seleucid Empire, there was only enough consecrated olive oil to fuel the eternal flame in the Temple for one day. Miraculously, the oil burned for eight days, which was the length of time it took to press, prepare and consecrate fresh olive oil.

From the Wiki!

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Man At Work

I'm a man hard at work.

Just in the prep stages but I like getting my hands "dirty."


That reminds me.

It's time for a .....

Gay Check

Friday, December 19, 2008

The End Of Days?

Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar just had their 18th child!
Smell like a Whopper.

Britney, Beyoncé, T.I. and Kanye are occupying TWO spots each in the Hot 100's Top 10!!

"When I see the photographs I think, crikey, my boobs are up round my neck again."

Snow in Las Vegas

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Dreaming Of The Queen

Once again, I've had a wonderful dream of Madonna! It doesn't make much sense, as most dreams don't.

While sitting in my seat, waiting for the show to start, one of Madonna's peeps comes to me to tell me she wants to see me. I follow him through all these intricate hallways until we finally reach her dressing room. He sees me in. Madonna looks up, squeals and runs to me with arms wide open.

"Kevin! I haven't seen you in so long! You should have told me you were coming! I would have given you some kick ass seats."

"Uh, YOU knew you were coming. You still coulda hooked a sister up!" We laugh and hug again.

We sit on a sofa and start nibbling on raw veggies and sipping water. We've sat there so long that she's 40 minutes late. I walk her out to the stage where she realizes it's freezing cold. Apparently, instead of the comfort of the ACC, this show is at the Rogers Centre with the roof open! I hand her my track jacket to keep warm. Next thing you know, I'm whisked away by security to my seat.

The show is over, the masses are walking to the exits and some girl comes up to me and says, "She's looking for you."

Up ahead, I can see Madonna among the masses, holding my jacket. I wave and she runs over, but I can see she's been crying. We crouch down against a wall and talk.

"I heard someone say there were so many empty seats."
"Are you sure? It was a sold out show."
"I know! 55,000 tickets sold. Half for me, half for everybody else."
"Then what's the problem? You can see everything from the stage. Any empty chunks of seats?"
"No," she pouts.
"Then knock it off. Look, you shouldn't be out here. You're going to get mobbed."
"Nah. With all this makeup, everyone thinks I'm a drag queen."

We get up, she gives me a gigantic hug and slips away. I put on the jacket and it smells like Aromatics Elixir.

Then I wake up.

Over the last 25 years, I've had a handful of Madonna dreams and I love each and every one of them. It's the closest I'll ever be to her and I guess that's fine.

We're friends, you know.


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