Friday, February 27, 2009

...And One More For The Road

This is going to be the most bare bones post that has ever appeared on the lisp.

I may have a problem.

I go back and forth on this, but I guess if you're worried enough to question it, it's probably an issue.

The thing is, I used to drink WAY more than I do now. About five years ago, I used to have at least 3 Vodka and Cran's a night. Whether I went out or not. I weighed about 155 lbs and I barely ate. The first time I had a glimmer of an issue came one innocent day, during a brutal day at work, when all I could think about was having a drink. When my work day ended, I went to a lounge in the sky and had myself 2 sassy Cosmo's. After that, I was able to proceed with the rest of my day.

There used to be time when drinking a glass of wine in the middle of the week meant a special occasion. Outside of that, getting looped on booze happened on the weekends, and usually only on one night. The rest of the weekend was tea and soda.

In the last several months, my alcohol intake has been questioned. My Poodle, doctors, insurance company and some bloggers have expressed some kind of concern over my boozey beverages. I maintain that I am in complete control. I never drink during the day and I never feel like "I need a drink!"

But when people, even those who you've never met, say that they're worried, maybe it's time to take a wee pause.

Since that day, all those years ago, I have never YEARNED for a drink. I can go days without even thinking about having a cocktail. Sometimes, Poodle and I have some wine with dinner, but a bottle of wine between two people usually equalls about 2 1/2 glasses each.

The problem? I take Wellbutrin, Lorazepam and Celexa. Alcohol affects these drugs, maybe even to the point of reversing their effects. It's hard to say.

Am I just a faggot enjoying a glass a vino, or a sad soul needing to self medicate? I don't know.

If I was someone else and someone asked me if Kevin had a problem, I might say that it's worthwile to keep an eye on me.

I can go days at a time without a thought about having a drink. The problem is, sometimes when I start, I just keep on keepin' on. It's not that I feel that I NEED to keep drinking; I just want to.
If I was asked to do a 12 Step Program, there is no one that I've wronged. I've never hurt anyone; I've never abused a relationship.
I don't know what any of this means. It may mean nothing. It may mean that being on medication, some might consider that I'm "abusing" alcohol. Maybe I am. I don't think so, but...

what if...
Thoughts?

17 comments:

  1. kindred sister...
    (seriosuly- your post could not have come at a better time).

    The fact that you are recognizing this- may be a signal. Im going through the EXACT same thing right now. the feeling of not needing another frdrink, but having another, and another, and another.

    it sounds like you have a LOT going on in your life right now, and even more going on that may be subconscious. Thats the part you have to be careful with. that could be the part that you are over "medicating".

    I could go on and on, (and will in a separate email)... but just stay true to you, be aware, and know you have support, and big bear hugs.

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  2. i am of the personal opinion that if it does not effect your work, your relationship or anyone else, it is not a problem... if it is reversing the effect of medication you are on, then cut back... otherwise jsut keep doing what you are doing by keeping an eye on yourself... if you see yourself varyiing off the beaten path then pull back... have a great weekend!

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  3. It's a fine line. Because those of us who struggle with depression and anxiety question ourselves about everything to the point of..er..madness and self flagellation.(in a totally non hot way)

    I think you're wise to question,it's never a bad thing to cut back, K, but don't beat yourself up over the things you've done, where you've been, or what choices you've made.

    Everyday is a new day, with no mistakes in it.

    Talk to your doctor, and give that poodle a squeeze.

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  4. You need better friends. Mine are as alcoholic as I am.

    I say that jokingly though as I can go months without a drink.

    Wait, scratch that and make it weeks. Every month there are two meetings I make it a point to attend. Providence Geeks and DC401. And yes, I have a beer or two at each.

    It's funny, when I first saw my new doc as part of the objective intake questions he asked about drugs and alcohol.

    He told me that neither were a problem as I had to really think about the last time I had an alcoholic beverage.

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  5. I really dont think you have a problem if you can go for days without and you dont really NEED it---I drink on weekends--ALOT too But I just have a high tolerance. Some may say I have a prob...I dont think so...Just watch yourself...The only thing that I find a little alarming is drinking while you take meds...if they dont mix my love you should not do that...or make sure you can mix them -- I Love ya and here to chat anytime! xoxoxoxoxoxo

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  6. I think it is very healthy of you to bring up the question, without doubt. And from what I've read, it doesn't sound like you abuse alcohol.

    I have been on Wellbutrin, but had to get rid of it - nasty stuff for me. I know one thing - alcohol and Wellbutrin do not mix well.

    Lorazepam - alcohol not good, but not as bad as with Wellbutrin.

    Celexa - I used to take this as well. Nasty stuff. It states clearly that you should not consume alchol while taking it.

    I would only be concerned for you - for your health - about the risks associated with combining alcohol with your medication. I do not drink but I had a severe reaction to medication before and it scared the hell out of me.

    I'm fairly new around here so I don't know you nearly as well as everyone else, but I have such admiration of you and your brilliant wit and will keep you in my thoughts.

    I hope your post and all of these comments serve to help you. It's clear that many people care about you, even those you've only met "online."

    Take care.

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  7. Oh, dear. I'm sorry for the length! It didn't look like a book when I previewed it!

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  8. Read Augustin Burroughs' Dry.

    There are some truths I feel I must state:
    1. Alcohol, consumed in moderation is fine for your body.
    2. Most of us don't consume it in moderation
    3. If your medication recommends that you avoid alcohol, DO. You're not doing your liver a favor by drinking in the first place, so why overtaxing it? Surgery is a bitch.
    4.Please note that your Rx is to treat depression. Alcohol is a depressant. If what you are trying to feel is less anxious, then ask your doctor to adjust your anti-anxiety dosages.

    My $.02

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  9. Sweetie, just because you like something a lot and think about it longingly, doesn't necessarily make it a problem. I love apple fritters and dream of them while at my desk, but I am not an apple fritter junkie. I think we’ve gotten so Lindsay-Lohenized that we throw around the term alcoholic too easily.

    That said, I agree with Kevin and Pansy Bastard, your meds have to come first. Occasional drinks won’t hurt, but regular consumption will only counteract what they’re supposed to be doing and just waste them.

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  10. I live with someone that I *wish* were as self-conscious as you about the alcohol issue.

    I take alprazolam (Xanax) perhaps two or three days per month (that is, on an *as needed* basis) for occasional anxiety, insomnia and headaches related to hormonal flux (ie- wicked bad PMS!) If I think I might need a xanax I make certain not to drink. I find that the pill then, works just fine and I dont even want a glass of wine or margarita with dinner.

    Try to limit drinking to not EVERY day, just as a personal test. See how you do. I think you will savor the drinks you do have MORE if its not an everyday treat, plus you might find your medication to work more effectively, as others have stated.

    Best wishes to you!

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  11. Well this is tricky. Personally I've never thought you mentioned alcohol of drinking that much. There are other bloggers out there that don't go a post without mentioning slogging down a few and that to me is worrisome.

    Heres the rub. If YOU think it's a problem or a potential problem-- then it is.

    So cut back to when wine was more "special occasionish".

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  12. I’ll apologize now caise this IS gonna be long winded….

    Kev, Shirl... really, the only one that knows the right thing for you is you.

    …and whether that's the best for your health, mental state or otherwise may not now jive with the reality as you see it. That reality is ever evolving and changing and so to will your decision on this matter and countless others…

    I've been there. I can recall years ago being smashed on 2 for 1 margs with a friend and we joked at length about how both of us had parents that abused alcohol... then we ordered another round... and another and another… it was about a month later before either of us saw the irony. We then took stock of our own situations… Tuesday Margarita nights were cut but we still went out other days and had a good time, some with a drink and some not…

    I've gone from that ‘3 drink a night’ run to nothing for a month, two months or more. I’m gonna be 40 in a week and I’m on 7 meds for the diabetes and ticker and so on. Truth be told I shouldn't have that much and for the most part I don’t…. The Dr says I can have what amounts to a drink a day and it’s rare that I ever surpass that… nowadays I consume in a week what would have been be a slow Monday back in the day....

    I AM allowed to consume and I do; and I am sure even if I was told not to, I still would. And I can give a list of reasons as long as the instructions for a pousse café why, but in the end I go on pure feeling. I know when I feel like a drink and I know when I don’t and the fine lines in-between. And, I listen to them. I can assure you even to this day no one is surprised more than me when I decline an offer for a drink.

    I'd say at one time I was over the line but I, like you questioned it, took a step back and re-assested. I'm a firm believer that moderation is possibly and easy to do actually...

    But no matter what the posters say… ‘you’re fine’, ‘you need help’ and all those shades in-between, like I said at the beginning, from here, my leopard print tinted corner of the world, you already know what is right and what you gotta do... for YOU.


    For me, these words hold true…

    What good is sitting alone in your room?
    Come hear the music play.
    Life is a Cabaret, old chum,
    Come to the Cabaret.

    Put down the knitting,
    The book and the broom.
    Time for a holiday.
    Life is Cabaret, old chum,
    Come to the Cabaret.

    Come taste the wine,
    Come hear the band.
    Come blow your horn,
    Start celebrating;
    Right this way,
    Your table's waiting

    No use permitting
    some prophet of doom
    To wipe every smile away.
    Come hear the music play.
    Life is a Cabaret, old chum,
    Come to the Cabaret!

    I used to have a girlfriend
    known as Elsie
    With whom I shared
    Four sordid rooms in Chelsea

    She wasn't what you'd call
    A blushing flower...
    As a matter of fact
    She rented by the hour.

    The day she died the neighbors
    came to snicker:
    "Well, thats what comes
    from to much pills and liquor."

    But when I saw her laid out like a Queen
    She was the happiest...corpse...
    I'd ever seen.

    I think of Elsie to this very day.
    I'd remember how'd she turn to me and say:
    "What good is sitting alone in your room?
    Come hear the music play.
    Life is a Cabaret, old chum,
    Come to the Cabaret."

    And as for me,
    I made up my mind back in Chelsea,
    When I go, I'm going like Elsie.

    Start by admitting
    From cradle to tomb
    Isn't that long a stay.
    Life is a Cabaret, old chum,
    Only a Cabaret, old chum,
    And I love a Cabaret!



    I also love a Cabernet.

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  13. these comments were too long. i cant get thru them

    my two cents )as someone who has thrown more than one intervention) - can you have just one?

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  14. Actually, yes, I can have just one.

    And can you really "throw" an intervention? It sounds like a party.

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  15. A party with Joe. Sounds rather fun to me!

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  16. I think Joe has "intervention" confused with "tantrum."

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you better make this good.

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