Monday, February 23, 2009

Do They Know We Can See Them?

Once again, the dreadful choice of watching the Oscars resulted in an exhausting marathon of ridiculous montages, musical numbers and mind numbing awards for categories we don't care about.

I liked the idea of bringing the 5 previous Oscar winners to announce the nominees, but could they get people that actually LIKE the nominees? Shirley MacLaine's accolades for Anne Hathaway were muted, at best.

But, we didn't have to watch the camera zoom in on Jack Nicholson every five fucking minutes, like he's the Don of Hollywood, so that's a nice trade off.

I won't go through everything; if you want to know who won what, go to e!'s website.
But we can talk about:

I'm hoping that this is the moment that does Miley Cyrus in. I think she's an obnoxious hick with entitlement issues and she needs to realize the only thing that she will ever be truly good at is Bingo Caller at Kentucky Bingo Palace.

It looks likes "what were you thinking" exploded all over Sophia Loren. An unbrushed wig, sheer sleeves with sparkles, ruffles GALORE, and boring jewellry. When she was up presenting, I am confident that she was tied 6 ways from Sunday and desperately trying to stay vertical. Hot mess.

I know I shouldn't expect more from Whoopi, but this is pushing it! I sense that she walked into Ross Dress for Less, saw this and said, "That is a 'dress,'" and bought it. I suppose this is better than running shoes and Old Navy mom jeans, You know what? I'll take the jeans.

Pimp Daddy in Versace. Horrible. Horriblehorriblehorrible. Just try to make an effort. People are loving you for your "comeback," but you gotta throw them a fucking bone!

Slumdog Millionaire didn't win EVERYTHING. How does someone so beautiful, take something by Galliano and make it so frumpadelic? This is hideous! She is stunning and she could have totally rocked something really bright, like orange or yellow. Instead of dressing like a million, she opted for slums.

Sometimes, you just have to learn to say "NO" to your mother.

Angelina was pretty but not because of the dress. The dress was a boring old sheet left on the laundry floor. Her face and hair were flawless. And those EMERALDS! They were so big they looked fake! Stunning.

I think the most elegant and beautifully styled was Taraji Henson. Her Cavalli dress was gorgeous, the Fred Leighton 19th century necklace was hypnotizing and the hair was perfect.
By far, the brightest star tonight.


  1. I just can't bring myself to criticize the fabulous Ms. Loren, but I'm so glad someone agrees with me about Miley Cyrus. Her stylist needs to quit dressing her like she's 46, and dress her more like a 16-year-old.


  2. Shirley, I've gotta say that I have to disagree with you here.

    While the montages weren't the best, the musical numbers were fun, funny and well-executed. Don't you remember the years of "The Debbie Allen Dance Number?" Those medleys could have been horrible. They weren't.

    And having 5 previous Oscar winners present their "Oscar win" category was an idea that could have gone wrong, but didn't. It was very well done.

    And what's your beef with Shirley MacLaine's praise of Anne Hathaway? Everybody at the party I attended kept saying that they would LOVE to have Shirley MacLaine speak from the heart and compliment them.

    And as for Nicholson not being there, I actually said out loud at the party last night, "Where's Uncle Jack? He's always in the front row and I miss him."

    With Lance Black's speech and Sean Penn's speech and Wolverine doing a really well put together medley with Beyonce, it was a pretty damn gay Oscars. As if the Oscars can be anything else...

    After the Beyonce number, someone texted a friend of mine at the party with a phrase that sums up the evening...

    "You're welcome, gays."

    True. So true.

    You really didn't like it? Really? I mean, Miley looked like she was auditioning for THE LITTLE MERMAID but really?...

  3. Love the recap.
    Love the Hatin' On Miley!
    Love Taraji. I forgot how beautiful she looked when i recapped Oscar!

  4. What Bob said. With special emphasis on how GLAD I was to not see Jack Nicholson! Maybe 35 years ago he was kinda cute. I refuse to watch a movie with him in it - even if Ryan Reynolds did a full-frontal nude shot in it.

    Mickey Rourke. I missed that - Thank Someone's God. I have never liked him.

    And Taraji did look so elegant.

    Pardon my ignorance, but, is Whoopi pregnant?

  5. Oh, and, did not Hugh Jackman look delicious?

  6. I haven't seen such shoddy material since the shroud of Turin.

  7. uh oh....

    david: i think that divas are entitled to the gays' opinions, especially when they step out NOT looking flawless. BAD GAYS! next, i don't even want to see a 46 year old in that dress!

    bob: cut from the same cloth, we are?

    pb: whoopi was a mess, period. and HJ WAS/IS a hot DILF.

    mitzi: not such a nice piece of goods, huh?

    and now...

    Mr. S'gorgeous Rader:

    Oh my. I read my post back and I can see why you may have disagreed with me so. Allow me to elaborate on a post that shouldn't have been written in haste.

    I DID enjoy the musical number at the beginning, I did NOT like the original song medley, and I was okay with the HJ/Beyonce medley until Zac Efron and Vanessa Smudgens showed up. I DO remember those DA dance numbers and they passed her expiration date, indeed.

    I would be so lucky to have Shirley Maclaine SPIT in my direction; I meant to suggest that perhaps her adulation of Anne was scripted.

    Overall, I liked the 5 nominees. I really did. And the gayness of this year's Oscars was not lost on me. Far from it. The gayest ever. I think there may have been condoms passed out by drag queens.

    I can see how it seemed I didn't like it, but I did. It was the stuff in the middle (art direction, foreign short etc... that I would be happy reading about, rather than witness on live television.

    we good?

  8. Had galliano simply edited off the sleeve- the dress would have been fine.

    I thought amy Adams and ann hathaway looked lovely too

  9. Of course, we're good, baby. You know I love you more than my luggage! :)


you better make this good.


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