Allow me to start with this guy:
His name is Jason Leroy Savage (public record, bitch!) of Michigan.
Poor bastard was picked up and charged for having sex in public -- with a vacuum!
Seems Jason took the car out for a wash and I guess he just couldn't resist the temptations of that slutty vacuum hose.
Okay. This guy:
His name is Jason L. McRoberts (what's with the Jason L.'s?).
He was arrested and charged for teaching the birds and the bees to a 7 year old -- with a (barf!) dog!
Apparently, the student was busted by his mother when he was caught making the moves on the family dog.
She called police after the young lad told his mom who taught him how to get with the bitch.
Last, we have a shocking incident involving a Russian man who had about half of his Moskovskaya bitten off by a raccoon!
It seems Alexander (that's the only name we have) went on a camping trip with his comrades. During an evening of drinking, dirty jokes and sex talk, a stealth and nubile raccoon joined the party.
"We decided to have fun and caught the beast. A friend of mine told me that the raccoon was a kind and caring animal. Since we had no women in the company I thought that the raccoon could take care of me,” the man said.
So, the freak whips it out and gets down on his knees. That's when the raccoon, obviously not in the mood, snapped at his Russian sausage.
Wait. It continues.
He was rushed to hospital where doctors said they could perform plastic surgery to restore his penis. The missing meat? Retrieved from the raccoon who choked on it and died, of course!
Must've been one hot piece of tail.