Thursday, April 30, 2009

Broken Bones

I recently discovered Carnal Nation, a website devoted to sexuality (all kinds) with a intellectual and occasional pervy slant. Here's something I learned that isn't necessarily exclusive to straight guys. Heads up: some of you may experience a burning sensation as you read.

You're welcome.

Well, my girlfriend was on top… and suddenly there was this snapping sound and YEOWW! And now my dick is black and blue and hanging crooked. Doc, will I ever play the violin again?

Yikes! Oh, pardon us… what we meant to say was “Hmmm.”

A doctor will call this phenomenon “rupture of the tunica albuginea,” or, if he’s feeling informal, “fracture of the penis;” anybody else will call it “broken dick.” It doesn’t happen often, but all it takes is once to spoil a nice evening.

Technically, here’s what happened. The inside of your penis contains three long narrow “bags” filled with spongy tissue. When something very very nice is happening, more blood goes into the penis than can flow out… the muscles at the base of the penis tighten… and the pressure inside the penis goes up. The medical term for this is a “chubby.”

The tough membrane covering these bags of blood-engorged tissue is called the tunica albuginea. Occasionally, too much force in the wrong direction will rupture this membrane, and the blood will escape from the spongy tissue into the rest of your dick—sort of like a pail of water with a hole in it. You’ll probably feel pretty intense pain; you’ll definitely see a big bruise and a bend in your penis; and you’ll most definitely feel absolutely terrified.

This may feel like an emergency, but it really isn’t. Put an icebag on your dick (brrr!)—the usual icebag routine, 20 minutes on, 40 minutes off, repeat as needed. See a doctor the next day. Obviously, if the pain is severe, other symptoms are present, you’re taking anticoagulants (“blood thinners”), or you have other medical problems, get to your doctor or the emergency room right away.

Most doctors like to repair the break surgically, but some new evidence suggests that this problem can often heal itself up just fine. Let your doc, and your dick, be your guides.

5 comments:

  1. Just the picture alone makes me laugh and cry. I've not yet broken mine but it terrifies me!

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  2. I love the fake penis Xray with the "bone" inside.

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  3. That "xray" is totally bogus! I'm not sure I really wanted to know about this condition.

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  4. truthspew: def. cringe worthy

    cb: pretty hysterical

    mark: ...but now you know, god forbid it should happen to you.

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  5. Let this be a warning... if your a top, stay on top. Fear that power bottom, I'm just sayin.

    ReplyDelete

you better make this good.

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