Thursday, April 30, 2009
The world's media outlets are at it again. Everyone's so freaked out by the "Swine" flu, they don't know what to do with themselves. Obviously they're all bored with stories about global recession, massive layoffs and Britney's cooch.
I saw someone wearing a mask on the street who was so uptight, their fart was a whistle.
So for those folks who are all whipped up about it, I offer these words that I hope will provide comfort, relief and calm:
Just wash your hands already, you filthy beasts. You know how to do that don't you? Cover your fucking mouth when you sneeze or cough you heathens.
There. Flu 90% avoided. "But people are dying!" you say. Did anyone stop to notice that up until now, the deaths have been restricted to Mexico and that might have something to do with their medical system?
Not to suck the wind from their sails, but this pattern of news reporting sounds familiar. Just substitute "flu" with "terror", and "swine" with "Osama."
Speaking of words...everyone needs to lighten the fuck up on what it's called. Swine Flu upsets the pork farmers. Mexican Flu upsets Mexico. North American Influenza upsets the regular Flu. They can call it the R2D2 HQ DVD virus for all I care.
Just turn off your TV and cover your mouth.