Sunday, May 31, 2009

Do Not Miss Your Chance To Blow

They say that if art doesn't make you uncomfortable or stir some kind of emotion, then it isn't really Art.

Sacha Baron Cohen's alter egos Ali G, Borat and now Brüno, are definitely Art because I always feel awkward and confused when I see him.

Tonight is no exception. During the incredibly painful MTV Movie Awards, "Brüno" provided the funniest, most awkward (and even a little scary) moment.

Descending from the ceiling following a "wire malfunction," Brüno landed right in Eminem's lap -- face to thonged ass.

Marshall's reaction? "Are you serious? Are you fucking serious? Get this motherfucker off me!" He then stormed out of the room.

At first I thought it must be staged, but then we found out that not only did he fume his way out of the room, but that he left the building and he was not in a very happy place.

It was kind of surreal and I had to remind myself that this was LIVE television. I felt like I did when I saw Borat chasing after Pamela Anderson: scared.

I will say this: Zachary Quinto, who you know I don't care for at all regardless of the newest gay rumours, seemed quite excited by the homoerotic melee.

I bet it made him feel something.

Cheers, Thanks A Lot

It's a quiet day here at the Lisp manse. That's probably because I'm a mite hungover.

Anyway, just thought I'd share that sometime yesterday (?), we hit the 150,000 mark. It only took 2½ years.


Does This Video Make Me Look Gay?

Patrick Wolf's newest video, Hard Times , is a very The Fear meets magic mushrooms. I'm not sure how I feel yet about it (the vid or the song).

Second Place, But Still The Winner

Britain's Got Talent contestant Susan Boyle has had a brutal two months in the spotlight on the world stage. She's been mobbed by the media, and nearly quit the competition because of the relentless attention she's been receiving. Tonight, Susan sang the song that thrust her into the global consciousness, I Dreamed A Dream, and it was flawless.

Susan came in second place to dance crew Diversity, but she's a winner in our hearts.

In Spite Of The Annoying Tap Dancing...

...this was kind of clever.

I think it's beyond obvious to say that we all got a "reading" a looooooooong time ago, but it doesn't really matter anymore.

WE'VE always known the truth, and next will the rest of the Bible-thumping-promise-ring-wearing-guyliner-doesn't-mean-anything-believing-teeny-bopper-bitches of America.

You Have A Lisp, Dude!!!

We will get you!

Saturday, May 30, 2009

Porn Stars In Love!

Obviously, NSFW.

Things I Know For Sure: Lesson 554

A puppy can boost your hotness factor exponentially, even if you're one of those overly manscaped douchebags. A puppy can also up your gay meter, too.

Gaga is at about minute nine, but her "Paparazzi" video might give her one or two extra minutes. It's fucking fierce.

Remember what I said about steroids...?
(I swear, I did not manipulate this photo in ANY way. Just cut/paste.)

Even if you're nicely pedicured, if your toes look like they're made for climbing trees-- I call those "foot fingers"btw-- keep 'em covered up, thankyouverymuch.

Antichrist Fame Whores

Friday, May 29, 2009

Bat For Lashes ~ New Video!

Bat For Lashes just debuted her new music video for her second single, Pearl's Dream. It's lovely. I'm not all that into music videos anymore --except for The Queen-- but sometimes, the really good ones make it through. Enjoy!

Bat For Lashes - "Pearl's Dream"

Oh, and before I forget...thank you J*O*E*

FML: 4+1

Today, it was my friend's birthday. She's been having problems with most of her friends besides me lately, so I wanted to do something special. I brought her a cake. Me and her were the only ones to have any. It gave us both food poisoning. FML

Today I was shaving my balls with a blade razor because my electric trimmer had died and I had a big date with the girl of my dreams. I moved too quickly and accidentally knicked a vein in my scrotum. I had to hold gauze over my balls until the paramedics arrived. FML

Today, I was sitting in a bar next to this gorgeous guy who kept eyeing me up and after about 30 minutes he finally leaned in to whisper something in my ear. What he said? "If I were you, I would get a push-up bra." FML

Today, I felt left out that all my friends are getting married or have great relationships and my boyfriend won't commit. I made a facebook up and pretended to talk with this really cute guy I made up. Today, I found out that my boyfriend is gay... he started hitting on my made up facebook guy. FML

Today, I was dealing with a psychiatric patient with a colonostomy bag. She got agitated and ripped the bag from her abdomen and threw it at my face. I got a bag filled with poop thrown at my face. FML

Gay Cheque: If You Could Read My Mind

It's a curse, really.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Oh, Father

This pic of Levi Johnston (former future brother-in-law of Corky Trig Palin) changing his son's diaper has been making the rounds at high speed.

I'd like to put out there that this pic of North America's most famous redneck teen father, a tender father/child moment, is a colossal let down.

Levi ain't nothin'. Sure he has no body fat or track marks, but that's about it. I was pretty sure before, but this just confirms it.


Dress You Up

Recessionista: noun; an individual who can create, in the midst of a recession, a high fashion look with little expense.

Basically, the recessionista has to be smart with their money and be clever and creative with their choices. Unfortunately, Deena Pantilone has done a very stupid thing, by pretending to be clever and creative.
In a new on-line article at Toronto Life --a bible of what, who and where for Toronto's social butterflies-- the Toronto developer was given a "best-dressed of the week" nod for this little number.

From the article:

Who designed your dress?
Well, me, sort of. It’s a really old vintage dress I’ve had lying around the house for years. My cousin is a stylist in New York, so she helped me decide how to alter it, and then I just took it into one of those tiny mom-and-pop seamstress shops on Queen West.

Eight hours later, the masses went insane.

The first comment on the post goes like this:

Speaking of wearing the same dress. I have this dress. The exact same dress, down to the colour and every last detail of stitching. Its neon red and amazing. Although it looks vintage, its not. FYI hunny, ‘you’ didnt design this dress, at all. They didnt make neon red cocktail dresses in the 50’s. The “tiny mom-and-pop seamstress [shop] on Queen West”, is in fact a fabulous dress boutique called Champagne and Cupcakes. I think credit should be given where credit is due."

And soon, the actual designer had a word or two:

"I am EXTREMELY disappointed that you are claiming that you, “sort of” designed the dress and had it “altered at a seamstress shop on Queen.”


I’m not sure what you are trying to prove, but you did not “sort of” design the dress. I, PERSONALLY designed AND made that dress. All I must say is WOWEE…talk about trying to steal credit. You should be ashamed of yourself.

And FYI, Champagne & Cupcakes is NOT a “seamstress shop”, as I am NOT a seamstress. I am a designer. Champagne & Cupcakes is a local dress boutique which sells dresses designed and made by myself."

I fucking love it!

I'm not sure how Deena thought people wouldn't find out. Using her logic, I can go around saying that I got some old lady to stitch together a messenger bag that happens to look JUST like a Renzo Graphite bag!

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Thou Shalt Watch The Food Network


Come, my dear children, and pray at the church of Barefoot Contessa, for we now bestow upon you the Ten Commandments of Ina Garten.

I. Thou shalt only cook with “GOOD PRODUCTS” - good olive oil, good dijon mustard, and good vanilla.

II. Thou shalt always reference “CLASSIC FRENCH TECHNIQUE” whilst folding egg whites or cooking duck.

III. Thou shalt always take photos of your prepared meals, for eventual placement on “THY WEBSITE.”

IV. Thou shalt always refer to Saffron as the “STAMENS OF THE CROCUSES.”

V. Thou shalt honor thy spouse by cooking them chicken every Friday night.

VI. Always remember to ask thyself, “HOW BAD CAN THAT BE?!”

VII. Thou shalt always drive a Mercedes, regardless of income level.

VIII. Thou shalt always speak fondly of The Hamptons, even if thou was carjacked at gunpoint there last summer.

IX. Thou shalt always gently remind others that “THIS IS HOW IT WAS DONE AT BAREFOOT CONTESSA.”

X. Thou shalt keep a minimum of twenty gay male friends at all times.


Come, my dear children, and pray at the church of southern overindulgence, for we now bestow upon you the Ten Commandments of Paula Deen.

I. Thou shalt mention butter at least four times per dish made, even when said dish does not require butter.

II. Thou shalt cackle at least 20 times per show, louder when making a sexual double entendre.

III. Thou shalt mention one’s inarticulate sea captain husband MICHAEL in every episode.

IV. Thou shalt always wear too many bracelets and rings, including the creepy one on the thumb.

V. Thou shalt never remove jewelry even when kneading biscuit dough, as audience may forget one is now rich.

VI. Thou shalt have your offspring BOBBY and JAMIE only call you “mama” when they gravy train on your show.

VII. Thou shalt remind viewers constantly of one’s southern roots by overdoing one’s accent and incorporating “Ya’ll” as often as possible.

VIII. Thou shalt always be proud of the unhealthy qualities of one’s recipes, flaunting heart attacks as if they were trips to Dollywood.

IX. Thou shalt always take over-sized bites of everything cooked, talking with one’s mouth full, and making sure to smear desserts on one’s face.

X. Thou shalt acknowledge one’s dogs when they wander into a shot, but secretly want to know why “the help” lost control of them.

XI. Bonus: Thou shalt act like B-list celebrities on one’s Party show are like the second coming of Jesus. “Hey Ya’ll, look who’s here on Staying Alive night…FRANK STALLONE!!!”

Brought to you by my new favourite site, Food Network Humour!

Does This....

...body paint make me look gay?

(DTMMLG courtesy of VGLmen)

Diallhea Lemix

If you saw THIS over at J*O*E*'s, then you probably know I suggested that it needed a remix.

Turns out...there is one!!

I think it needs the Oakenfold touch.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

One Final Thought On Prop 8

My heart is hurt at today's California ruling.

With all due respect to the people that think rallying in the streets and "taking the city hostage" is a kind of terrorism, I think the idea of inequality and the prospect of revocation of my civil rights is far more frightening than a fucking traffic jam.

I received two emails today; one from someone who lives in a place that has marriage equality and one who does not.

There were two things about them that were the same: why do I persist in being vocal about marriage equality in the U.S., and that I'm running a small blog.

Reader #1 thinks that I should just sit down and shut up. My "tiny voice on this tiny blog" won't make "a lick of difference to homos in a country that don't really care about what (I) think."

Reader #2 is curious as to why I am so vocal, but also hopes that "a Canadian's little ol' blog might inspire something in someone."


Q: Why do I care?
A: Because acceptance, hate, equality, homophobia and progress aren't exclusive to any one fucking country. A group of people had the power to either allow or revoke the civil rights of members of my community. I shouldn't be concerned about that??

Look, sitting down quietly isn't going to get anyone anywhere. Being quiet and polite and rolling over only wins you tolerance. Appealing to a higher power than the courts; using our wallets; taking to the streets -- and yes, even blocking them-- are ways this generation can throw their "first punch" towards acceptance.

Imagine if everyone on that June evening back in 1969 allowed themselves to continue to be terrorized by the police? As far as I'm concerned, "they" started it; we have to finish it.

This whole world believes in this new American President, and it's too soon to count him out. Yes, he's moving WAY to slow on repealing DADT; yes, he appears to have forgotten our gay brothers and sisters among the confetti of election day.

If nothing else, we must all keep believing in the message of "Yes We Can." And if it turns out that we, as a community, have to make change happen in one homophobic, unaccepting, oppressive place at a time, then so be it.

As for this being a "small blog" ... screw you.


Cyndi Provides A Much Needed Break From H8

Enjoy Cyndi Lauper and GJWTHF/Set Your Heart.


Same Thing In Reverse

How does it feel, what do you do
when he's all alone with you?
Do you kiss him, hold his hand?
Who's the woman, who's the man?

Is it twisted, it is sick?
Mother nature's little trick.
I don't have to feel no shame.
In God's image I am made.

Your brother doesn't understand
how you could love another man.
Your poor father thinks we're cursed...
It's the same thing in reverse!

It's the same thing in reverse!
Nothing better nothing worse!
It's the same thing in reverse!
It's the same thing it's the same thing...

What can you say, where do you go?
Do you want the world to know?
Make a prison of your fear.
Be a kamikaze queer!

Bite my lip, hold my tongue.
Hope I'm not the only one.
I don't have to be afraid.
In God's image I am made.

Do I love him? Yes, I love him,
so don't question my affection.
This is not some damn affliction.
It's just love in contradiction.

Black boys in cars, (it's the same thing)
white boys with poisonous hearts. (it's the same thing)
Even on the one eyed guru, (it's the same thing)
And why the hell you looking at me? (it's the same thing)

I never wanted to be part of the gang, (it's the same thing)
I never saw this as part of my plan. (it's the same thing)
I walk down the street with pride! (it's the same thing)
Happy that you're by my side...

California Supreme Court UPHOLDS Proposition 8

Day of Decision

This isn't right! Equality isn't about morality! Equality isn't about the church! Equality isn't about the kids or the family or the little baby jesus.

Coffee, Queens and Politics, Oh My!!

Good morning, y'all.

I'm sitting here sipping on some strong coffee (yes, I fucked it up again) going back and forth between the blogs and...RuPaul's Casting.

I cannot help myself. The Drag Race vote is consuming me! If you haven't been, you simply MUST! And if you do vote, make sure you set yourself up as a registered voting member. Votes from the RVM's have a better chance of being counted.

You don't even have to post a pic of yourself if you don't want to. I did. It was taken last week after a rigorous week of Electric Beach tanning. What do you think?

Well, that's just silly! I don't wear glasses anymore.

It's a great way to kill some time while you're all waiting for California to prove that they've come to their senses.

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

Monday, May 25, 2009

Day Of Decision: Proposition 8

Okay, bloggers. Tomorrow is an incredibly important day for the equality of gays and lesbians everywhere.

The California Supreme Court will announce its decision on Proposition 8 Tuesday, May 26th. If it follows past practice, the court will make its announcement at about 10 AM Pacific Time (1 PM, Eastern / 12 noon Central).

Arrangements are being made all over the U.S., Canada and various cities across the globe, to either celebrate or protest the decision of the California Supreme Court.

You can get more information and check details for your city by clicking HERE.

Awwww F*ck

Here's a side a Richard Simmons that either makes him easier to relate to or even more strange. Enjoy, but the audio is NSFW.

Rachael Ray Is "O-B-N-O-X-I-O-U-S"

For Our American Cousins...

Filled With Glee

If you don't love GLEE, then there's something wrong with you. It buries HSM with gay sensibility and is filled with good old fucking fashioned fun.

It helps that there are actual Broadway actors in the cast. And Jane Lynch who I can't live without.

There's only one thing I don't like about Glee: it's on the FOX network. Great show + advertising = FOX Win. Arrrgh!

Below are some spots that can help enhance your love of Glee.

♪♫You're Welcome!♫♪

Don't Stop Believin'


Episode 1: Pilot

I Forgot To Post My Favourite FML's. FML

"Today, I thought I'd finally make a step towards getting over my ex-fiance by flirting with a cute waiter. I left him a note on the bill. He comes back, says "which one of you is [name]?" and leans down close to me to say, "Thanks for your note, but your card was declined." FML"

"Today, I asked my best friend why she didn't ask our other best friend Anna to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. She said, "She's too pretty. I need ugly bridesmaids to make me look better." I am the maid of honor. FML"

"Today, I met up with a guy from a local dating site for coffee. He walked up, looked me over and said "Ummm, no", then walked off.FML"

Sunday, May 24, 2009

RuPaul's Casting....EXTRAVAGANZAAAA!

The queens are coming out of the woodwork. Here are three of my favourites. Two are "performance queens" and I've yet to see what Hedda Lettuce can do, but she makes me want to be a better queen.

Raya Light ~ The Climb

Bagina Chic ~ Frantic Performance

Hedda Lettuce ~ Sexes It Up For Your Vote

"Hot" Is Very Subjective, Clearly!

AfterElton released their Hot 100 list for 2009 and since this list is chosen by vous and not the folks at the site, I just need to know from those of you who voted....what are you thinking?

Some, absolutely. Some are just meh. Some, I have no idea who they are or barely care. Here are the top ten Hot guys...and of course, my not-asked-for opinion (in pink):
  1. NPH - I like NPH as much as the next guy, but number one?? No, sorry. Besides, I don't want to do him...I just want to hang out with him.
  2. John Barrowman - Cute but, meh.
  3. Luke McFarlane - Totally adorKable!
  4. Jake G - Understood, but what has he done for me lately?
  5. Jensen Ackles - Who?
  6. Chris Evans - Classic.
  7. Cheyenne Jackson - Kinda cheesy smile, but those legs are hubba hubba!
  8. Hugh Jackman - Well, of course!
  9. Gale Harold - No.
  10. James Franco - Understood, but not for me. He looks like the long lost twin of one of my best friends. So that's just...ew.
Rounding out the top 20 :Zac Efron, Jared Padalecki, Anderson Cooper, Gareth David-Lloyd, Matthew Mitcham, Adam Lambert, Jo Weil, Brad Pitt, Thöre Scholermann, Van Hansis.

Anderson, yes. Zef? Maybe. Adam Lambert? No, no, no, no. His drapes don't match the carpet and the carpet is RED.

The following mens made the list somewhere, but TOTALLY should have been in the top 10.

What truly amazes me? Not a single porn star to be seen!

To see the complete list, CLICK HERE.


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