Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Bachelorette: Save The Drama Fo' Yo' Mama

We're finally down to four dudes which means there's probably about 18 more episodes of this season's Bachelorette.


Not a majorly exciting show, except for that Jill had the "hometown" dates and got to meet the boys' families. Oh, and TWO former bachelors show up!!

The families seemed pretty hokey except for Kiptyn's. Clearly, they have money and Jill is intimidated right from the start. They speak different languages, they're well educated, well traveled blah, blah, blah.

While they make a joke at Jill's expense by putting yellow Caution tape around the hot tub but she puts them in their place by saying, "That's not gonna stop me!" Way to go, my Canadian floozy!

Worse still, they test her food and wine skills. WTF? Since when does that matter? "Oh, you say you have a raging case of syphilis and crippling hammer toes run in your family? --- but Kip! She picked the best Yquem Sauternes to go with the foie gras! Marry her!"

Please. Not to mention that Kip's mom is like a Stepford version of Alexis Morrell Carrington Colby Dexter Rowan.

Let's move onto Wes aka WTF ARE The Right Reasons??? This dude is fucking around. His bedroom eyes, tatted up arms, annoying twanging guitar, constantly stoned face, bad boy shtick is running thin.

Last week's cast off, Captain Jake of Loverman Airlines swooped into Austin to warn Jill that Wes was in fact the suitor with the girlfriend, some skank by the name of Laurel. After many tears (including his own!), Jill decides to follow her gut (mistake) and go ahead and meet Wes' family -- who are surprisingly not anywhere as redneck as he is. Either these ladies were actors or -- well, that's it. They don't even know him, I'm sure.

The only other "surprise" of the night was The Return Of Ed. Which wasn't really a surprise since the whole world predicted he'd be back. Anyway, here's the short version: he comes back; asks for another chance; Jill hems and haws; says okay even though she thinks it might not be fair to the guys; she gives him a rose anyway.



The Axed



Say au revoir to Michael and Jesse. Michael's age (25) has been an issue and Jill uses it as her reason for letting him go, sure that he's not ready for a commitment despite protestations to the contrary. Pesonally, I think it's the identical twin switcheroo he tried out on her -- that she figured out in about 4.4 seconds.

Jesse can thank his a-hole brother for sealing his fate. After asking, "Have you guys been naked together yet? --answer: no -- he tells her that Jesse is "an emotional ice cube near impossible to crack." Ah, siblings. Of course, it could have been the whole naked question. What? Did he want to compare notes???

On a final note, as I mentioned above, Jake had himself some tears after confronting Wes about Laurel. He stood in the hotel hallway bawling his eyes out on a railing.

Something like 96% of viewers want him to be chosen as the next Bachelor.

Which means I'll have to watch because he might be even hotter than Jason!

ARRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!

The Reports Of My Death Are Greatly Exaggerated

Just to clarify

...have died:




...have not died:


A Lesson In....

Tattoo Artists


Check for literacy.

She's Not Me ~ Part II

Two more LV images with "Madonna."




EXCLUSIVE!!! MARIAH IS A DUDE!

The folks at JustJared unearthed these pics taken in NYC the other day! Mariah's lookin' rough!



Just kiddin....
These are stills from her new video for her stupid new single, Obsessed.

Believe it or not, I'm really interested in seeing how this whole Eminem v. The Cannons will play out.


Tuesday's Child...

...is lookin' really rough.

Monday, June 29, 2009

Coop : Baby Got Back!


While everyone is getting all excited about seeing the "Anderson Cooper's Boyfriend" pic (aka the Proof The Silver Fox Is Cheating On Me pic), I think it's essential to point out something that y'all may have missed.

It's a small oversight, but understandable with such a beautiful gun show on display.

Allow me to manipulate the image slightly so you can see what I see:


That's right....Coop's giving the "side-eye" to Becky's butt. Never mind the big muscled brute with the matching polo shirt -- you can just hear his thoughts:

♪♫makeover!!♫♪

She's Not Me

More images from the latest Madonna/LV campaign have made their way to the Internet.



Saturday, June 27, 2009

Happy Pride!

It's Pride Weekend just about everywhere and I couldn't be more bored thrilled.

I sincerely hope that your weekend is filled with safe, hot fun. Make sure to take a moment to say a silent thank you to all those fierce drag queens who said, "No more!" forty years ago.

And as a fun little kick off to the weekend, may I present a classic Kids In The Hall moment.


Friday, June 26, 2009

Welcome Wagon


I'm frantically setting up a summer garden party to welcome two new "followers" to The Lisp.

First off, we have Simon who is clearly too busy to do much more than read blogs for the moment, but I remain clinging to the edge of my seat. Next, The Lisp welcomes D.zalez: Renegade whose blog Un-restricted Freeballing seems very fashionista meets hipster thug. I'm not too sure what Freeballing is, but I'm sure it's quite enjoyable.

Have a cocktail boys, and don't get too handsy.

A Lesson In...

Sealing The Deal.

If you're Perez Hilton, and you've got everyone calling for your head on a platter, what do you do?

Why, you suggest that MJ was faking.

(Click to enlargerize)

Yup, that oughta seal the deal.

Now, if you head over to the site looking for this post, you won't find it.
The pic is gone and all the text from "We are dubious" is gone.
But all the comments are still there, including mine.


You Know You're Gay When....


Any gayer, and there would be a unicorn flyin' outta there, too.

Bachelorette: Snakes On A Train

As you know, I missed The Bachelorette this week, but thanks to my perseverance, dedication and lack of a real life, I've pieced together the episode.

Jill and the boys are still in Canada, but his time, they're taking a train from Vancouver to Banff, Alberta. FYI, that train ride offers exquisite and rarely enjoyed views of Canada. She's got to slice three guys from the crew.

Sadly, the first one to go is Robby (you know how I feel about -y and -ie names on a full grown man) who basically tells Jill he's fucked up. She lets him off the train. Somewhere in the wilderness. Nice.

Wes, the stoned, tatted up country singer basically comes clean. Not with Jill, though. With the viewer. He admits that he "needs to sell records..." and "...Jill is wrapped around my finger..." Fucker.

Yet, he stays.

Tanner on the other hand, gets the boot. The foot fetish freak can't even concentrate on a conversation the moment the girl's toes are visible. Get a grip, man!

There are two things about Tanner and this week's episode that I wished I got to see. When he was sent home, he did it with an f-bomb. That, and at some point he strips down to his boxers and Jilly is impressed by his "huge package."

Michael, the 25 year old break dancing jokester gets to stay even though he basically says that there's no physical chemistry between him and Jill.

In my book, that would get you a one way ticket to the curb, but apparently Jill likes a challenge. Or is it that she likes guys who are challenged? I'll have to figure that one out.


So one guy still has to get cut.

You've got a opportunistic cheater (Wes), a dorky dude who thinks you're physically repulsive (Michael), a dude that you might not have anything in common except a physical connection (Kiptyn) , a nice guy with nasty teeth that may as well be invisible (Jesse) and a neurotic who admits that she's not his type (Reid).

So what do you do? Why, you gut the gorgeous, sweet, considerate airline pilot because he's "too intense."

I knew Jake wasn't going to make it. Maybe he'll be the next Bachelor?

Sidebar: on The Bachelorette blog, she talks about filming during the Canadian winter and calls herself "a real Eskimo."

For those of you who don't know, "eskimo" is a word that is considered inappropriate, politically incorrect and is no longer used in Canada. The proper term is "inuit."

The More You Know.

Gay Cheque







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