Thursday, September 30, 2010

Peace Out


Tony Curtis


(June 3, 1925 – September 29, 2010)

"Way up high, Sam, where it's always balmy. Where no one snaps his fingers and says, "Hey, Shrimp, rack the balls!" Or, "Hey, mouse, mouse, go out and buy me a pack of butts." I don't want tips from the kitty. I'm in the big game with the big players. My experience I can give you in a nutshell, and I didn't dream it in a dream, either. Dog Eat Dog. In brief, from now on, the best of everything is good enough for me. "

~as Sidney Falco, Sweet Smell Of Success


Monday, September 27, 2010

30 Day Challenge: Day 25 ~ Your Day In Great Detail

Wow! And what a day it was!

My day began at about 7:15 am, when a burning truck roared past my house. I wasted no time and chased after it immediately. I caught up to it and deftly hoisted myself onto the burning rig, making my way to the cab. All the while, this out of control monster was swinging me to and fro; brutally annihilating anything in its path. Finally, I made it to the passenger's side door, swung into the open window and landed beside the unconscious driver, who looked an awful lot like Leo Giamani. I maneuvered the truck to the side of the road, shut off the engine and immediately dragged Leo from the burning vehicle so that I could go to work on "Leo"--you know, with the life saving CPR.

Leo came to just as the sirens were rounding the corner. He looked longingly into my eyes and said, "You saved my life n' stuff!" I returned his gaze and said, "Yeah, I know." Then, I made a dash through the backyards of the Victorians that make up my neighbourhood.

I figured a quick stop at the new Starbucks for a tall Pike would definitely be a nice pick-me-up.

The rest of the day consisted of rescuing kitties from treetops, catching bank-robbers and dodging Trent Davis' phone calls. He heard from Leo about the daring rescue mission and was immediately smitten.

Busy, busy day.

sigh...

No...I spent the rainy day indoors, nursing my tendinitis riddled right foot. I watched Judge Judy, and had a couple naps. Woke up to make some soup and watch Intervention, The Event and Hoarders.

Friday, September 24, 2010

If FAT Was A Profession....



...I'd be the best in my field.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Tuesday's Child...

...have something to say.


Australia Austria Belgium Canada Czech Republic Denmark France Ireland Israel Italy Netherlands New Zealand South Africa Spain Sweden Switzerland UK



Today was supposed to be Day 25 of the 30 Day Challenge, Your Day In Great Detail; I felt I needed to interrupt our regularly scheduled program once I found out that DADT is still in effect following the U.S. Senate vote.

This is disgusting! Obama, where are you??

I was going to go on a big rant, but I've decided to post the video of Boy George's very tongue-in-cheek song, G.I. Josephine, written out of protest regarding DADT back in '98.

The title of this post refers to just some of the countries that allow gays and lesbians to serve openly in the military.





I serve my country well
In slingbacks and beret
I march on your hypocrisy
'cause I am feeling queer today
As bright as all your medals
And shiny epaulettes
But I can't go to war right now
'cause my hair is a mess

Ah don't ask don't tell
Contaminate me with your smell
Perfume powder treachery
Loaded guns and sodomy
Soak me down with your desire
In the shower under fire
Wave the white flag, keep it clean
Call me G.I. Josephine

The dykes are on the starboard
They're polishing the guns
They're battening the hatches
As tough as any mother's son
There'll be no procreation
No baby cribs at sea
No friggin' in the riggin'
You can leave the boys for me

Ah don't ask don't tell
Contaminate me with your smell
Perfume powder treachery
Loaded guns and sodomy
Soak me down with your desire
In the shower under fire
Wave the white flag, keep it clean
Call me G.I. Josephine

Come out!
Come out!

And it's 1, 2, 3!
I don't live by the book
Don't ask me I don't give a damn
I don't wanna be a man
And it's five six seven
Open up the pearly gates
Ain't no time to wonder why
Anyone can die

Ah don't ask don't tell
Contaminate me with your smell
Perfume powder treachery
Loaded guns and sodomy
Soak me down with your desire
In the shower under fire
Wave the white flag, keep it clean
Call me G.I. Josephine


Monday, September 20, 2010

30 Day Challenge: Day 24 ~ Whatever Tickles Your Fancy

I don't know who this guy is, but he's definitely tickling something!!


Sunday, September 19, 2010

Ring! Ring! Ring! Goes The Telephone...

Happy Birfday to Phil Fusco!!
Another year closer to making me look less and less like a lecherous old man!

30 Day Challenge: Day 23 ~ A YouTube Video

Saturday, September 18, 2010

30 Day Challenge: Day 22 ~ A Website

Everybody comes to...



...how could it hurt you when it looks so good?


Friday, September 17, 2010

30 Day Challenge: Day 21 ~ A Recipe

Something that y'all may not know about me, is that I'm a TOTAL foodie.

I thought long and hard about what recipe I would share here. Grandma's country chili? Mama's authentic marinara sauce? Papa's delicious pizza crust?

Nope.

You're getting something even more special...AND...you can make it this Sunday for brunch for all your friends.

The Lisp's French Toast

This recipe has taken a few years to perfect; I think I've finally nailed it! I've provided the ingredients, including any optional additions (in bold).

Ingredients:
  • 6 slices of sturdy French/sourdough/challah bread, about 3/4 inches thick. --don't purchase anything pre-sliced; do it yourself!
  • 1 1/2 cups whole milk (2% or even 3%!)
  • 4 large eggs
  • 2 teaspoons vanilla extract -- I use Madagascar vanilla, available at Williams-Sonoma.
  • 1/4 cup granulated sugar
  • 1/4 teaspoon nutmeg
  • 1/8 teaspoon fine sea salt
  • 2 tablespoons of UNSALTED butter
  • 1 tablespoon Grand Marnier
  • 1 teaspoon grated orange zest
  • Maple syrup and icing sugar for dusting
Ready? Here we go!

In a large baking dish, place the bread slices in a single layer.

Whisk together the milk, eggs, vanilla, sugar, nutmeg, salt and orange zest/Grand Marnier (if using). Pour evenly over the bread and let stand for 1 minute. Then, turn the bread over, cover the dish with Saran Wrap and let stand for 10 minutes (but not longer than 30).

In a frying pan over medium heat, melt half the butter...when the butter has foamed and the foam begins to subside, add slices of bread, but don't overcrowd.

In about 3 minutes, the bottoms should be golden brown, carefully turn over. Cook another 2 minutes for a custardy finish; cook another 3 minutes for a drier result.

Transfer the cooked slices to an oven-safe platter and keep warm in a low oven (200). Melt the remaining butter and repeat with any remaining slices.

Serve the French toast on individual plates, dust the tops with the icing sugar and serve with maple syrup.

YUMMY!

Let me know if you try it!

Thursday, September 16, 2010

30 Day Challenge: Day 20 ~ A Hobby Of Yours

Oh, now this is easy.

With the exception of blogging, my favourite hobby is getting out there and tracking down new, awesome music to share and enjoy!


To some, that number there might seem like a lot; others might think it's just a nice warm-up number. Regardless, I love doing it!



Sidebar: Yes, I'm listening to OMD's first release in 14 years, History of Modern. I love it! It's like Architecture and Morality, Junk Culture and Crush all rolled into one! Whee!

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

30 Day Challenge: Day 19 ~ A Talent Of Yours

Let's see...other than being devastatingly high-larious and incredibly gifted as an artist, I'd have to say my special talent is my unique and exquisite gift of language and communication.

After 20 years working in retail, I've mastered how to communicate with people -customers and employees- that allows me to tell them to go fuck themselves without actually saying the words.

Now, that's an exaggeration, of course...I would NEVER tell someone to go fuck themselves...not that they'd ever know it.

What I'm Listening To

The iPod is getting a severe workout these days! This is just some of what I've been listening to. Check it out!





...and of course, I'm loving the current joe*to*hell collection, JOE Fuck Yourself!



Watch this space for my soon-to-be-posted September collection!

Monday, September 13, 2010

The 2010 MTVVMA Recap

Know what?

I used to love award shows. I loved the spontaneity. I loved the sometimes inappropriate political messages. I loved the impossible pairings of presenters. I loved the outbursts, the silliness, the pomp...

Last night, the MTV VMA's drove another nail in the coffin Award Show enjoyment. I laughed my ass of when the preshow host promised a futuristic stage--all I saw was a recycled Justin Timberlake set with Deadmau5 spinning in the corner. Here are the only things that I think are worth mentioning:


Eminem and Rihanna kicked everything off with a mediocre, at best, performance.

Eminem's botox and Restylane clearly has worn off and Rihanna looked like she'd been diving around Mr. Dressup's Tickle Trunk.

I remain hopeful that the red monstrosity on her head is only to cover up that chopped up monstrosity she sported during her "Rated R" phase. You know the one...it's the same one that Willow Smith is sporting these days.

Ahh, the Gaga.

Rocking Alexander McQueen and military peeps kicked in the cajonés, Lady Gaga actually cracked a smile and said something of some importance during her acceptance speech(es).

As for the meat dress....well, for a little art history lesson, step on over to The Lisp to get my perspective on her outdated and total ripoff.







There was all this buzzing about Taylor Swift performing a song about Kanye's bullshit behavior last year.

The only shit I heard was her voice. I was so distracted by her warbling, I couldn't make out a single word.

The girl CANNOT sing. PERIOD.

Ke$ha.

I've seen her now in a few of these and there are some constants:
  1. pouty, drunk face.
  2. awkward, drunk stance
  3. sloppy, drunk makeup
All this, a naRsty fake ponytail and a leather dress that looks like a Glad bag.

It is essential to mention that she totally rocked a little toothless Amy Winehouse smile before slipping back into her ridiculous pout.

I hate her.

Next....

The absolute BEST part of the night (and I mean that!) was Florence + the Machine's performance of Dog Days Are Over.

This is one of those rare moments where a relatively unknown artist punches through the bullshit and gets noticed.

I loved everything; from the Esther Williams choreography to her flowing fairy dress, it was an unpretentious yet kick-ass performance.

Whee!

In what should have been a tie with Florence for best performance, Robyn got totally robbed by not getting an actual slot on the main stage.

Instead, she's tucked away kicking some serious ass with Dancing On My Own, and and right when she's in middle of being fantastic...commercial. MTV, you suck my ass.


And finally...Cher.

Cher is what, just under 300 years old? And she decides coming out in a "Turn Back Time" inspired outfit is a good idea?

Look, granny...I loves ya...Lourdes knows I do. But at your age, there's a real risk of your floppy netherbits slipping out of the crotch of your jumpsuit and giving us all a reason to gouge our eyes out with our grandmother's knitting needles.

Ugh...the visual of her wrinkled old puss gumming the crotch of her panties is just rude...and now you've got it. You're welcome.


Furthermore...is it just me or did anyone else think of this?




~as seen on~

30 Day Challenge: Day 17 ~ An Art Piece


I formed my first REAL opinion on something in 1989.

I was 18 (soon to be 19), and I had just moved to Ottawa to attend university.

That year, the National Gallery of Canada paid $1.76 million dollars for a painting made by an American artist, and would be part of its permanent collection. The artist was Barnett Newman and the painting was Voice of Fire, painted in 1967 for the American pavilion at Montreal's Expo 67.

This purchase caused quite the shitstorm in Ottawa and across Canada. Not only did the gallery spend an enormous amount of money to purchase non-Canadian art, the painting consists of only a red stripe on a blue background, as you can see in the photo.

The criticisms were endless. My favourite was : "I could have done that with a paint roller and two cans of paint!" My response was always: "But you didn't, did you."

From cybermuse....
In 1967 Newman painted Voice of Fire for the American pavilion at Montreal's Expo 67. At this time Americans were confronting the moral dilemmas raised by the war in Vietnam. According to the artist's widow, he was deeply preoccupied by the conflict. The painting does not allude directly to the war, but by making each viewer conscious of where he or she stands, it opens up a moral and spiritual dimension that is profoundly expressive of its place and time. In Voice of Fire the "zip" is the red band that is placed exactly in the middle of the blue ground.


Ahhh, art. Yes, I was inspired to defend art, and I would go to the National Gallery as often as possible to show my support.

Unfortunately, in 1991, those people around me that took me to task for the "crayola project"--as some liked to call it-- had some new ammunition.

The Gallery featured an installation titled, Vanitas: Flesh Dress for an Albino Anorectic, by Montreal artist Jana Sterbak. It was 50 lbs of flank steak stitched together and displayed on a hanger. There was also a photo of a woman wearing the meat dress. Anyway, it would hang there and slowly...rot. And then it would be thrown out.

Her aim was to “emphasize the contrast between vanity and bodily decay.”

All she did was get all kinds of people pissed off, sending rotting food scraps to their local art galleries and maybe even inspire a wacky pop singer some 19 years later!






Sunday, September 12, 2010

30 Day Challenge: Day 16 ~ A Song That Makes You Cry

Easy.

Sad Eyes, by Bat For Lashes is so incredibly raw and pure and is the biography of my depression.

I don't like the things you don't say
Leaving it for such a long long time
Why do you show me those sad sad eyes
Each time you decide to pass on by

And when you smile those sad eyes
Look sadder and sadder still

Autumn's hue in those sad eyes
Makes me love and love them more
I'll have a bath, I'll make the dinner
And then I'll go wait for a long long time
But still you've not passed my door

And when you smile those sad eyes
Look sadder and sadder still

I can tell that you're lonely
But it seems now
There's nothing you want me to do
So I won't try to take the sadness
From those eyes that I love
Leave it open for someone else to

And when you smile those sad eyes
Look sadder and sadder still

Trying to hold it together
Keep my love as light as a feather
Sad eyes baby it's been such a long time
Keep my heart breaking in the dark
Come and spend the night

Trying to hold it together
Keep my love as light as a feather
Sad eyes baby it's been such a long time
Keep my heart breaking in the dark
Come and spend the night

Sad eyes, sad eyes, sad eyes...


Saturday, September 11, 2010

30 Day Challenge: Day 15 ~ A Fanfic

Okay.

I had to look up "fanfic."

According to the wiki:

Fan fiction (alternately referred to as fanfiction, fanfic, FF, or fic) is a broadly-defined term for fan labor regarding stories about characters or settings written by fans of the original work, rather than by the original creator. Works of fan fiction are rarely commissioned or authorized by the original work's owner, creator, or publisher; also, they are almost never professionally published.

Never. Ever. Have I bothered to do this. Why on earth would I do that? The only time I have ever come close to participating in anything remotely resembling this definition was an assignment to my entire 4th grade class: write the rest of the story of The Selfish Giant.

What is The Selfish Giant? Well, I'm glad you asked...

A giant erects a wall to keep children out of his garden, reaping the consequences of a continuous winter. After months of winter with no other seasons in sight, spring suddenly returns when the children slip into a hole in the wall and play in the trees, except for one corner of winter where a little boy is too small to climb into the tree. The giant's heart melts at the sight and, realizing how selfish he's been, he helps the child into the tree. He then tears down the wall and tells the children it was their garden to play in. Years pass and the giant enjoys playing with the children, but never sees the one special boy he first helped. One day when he had grown old, he again sees the little boy, who appears with wounds in his hands and feet. He has come to escort the giant to his garden, which is paradise.

I scored an A+ on my paper and I'm sure that I still have it somewhere. I remember my teacher telling my mother during a parent/teacher meeting that she would have scored higher if "higher" existed.

I should also mention that The Selfish Giant was based on an Oscar Wilde story... oh, how telling that should have been...

Oh, if you'd like to explore Part One of this filim...click HERE.

Friday, September 10, 2010

30 Day Challenge: Day 14 ~ A Non-Fictional Book


When I was but a wee twenty-something faglet, I was given the Blanchard-Johnson book, The One Minute Manager.

I was at the beginning of my retail management career and I was told that this book would "Change.My.Life." My "mentor" at the time was quite excited to be the one to "gift" it to me.

I still have it (somewhere); I've never EVER cracked the spine and yet I managed to have a successful (whatever THAT is) career spanning two decades without going anywhere near this book.

MY version is currently in the works.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

30 Day Challenge: Day 13 ~ A Fictional Book

I'm assuming that "a fictional book" is not the same as "a favourite book."

So, I'll talk about the book I'm trying to read right now.

Carrie Fisher's The Best Awful is basically a sequel to Postcards From The Edge. With Suzanne Vale as the protagonist, you know that sarcasm and witty turns-of-a-phrase are bound to be plentiful. Especially since she's about to jump into the brink.

Suzanne has gotten married to a Hollywood studio exec, Leland, who leaves her for a man. Oh, there's also a daughter, Honey.

I haven't gotten too far into the book, but here's a pinch from the Wiki:

Like most of Fisher's books, this novel is semi-autobiographical and fictionalizes events from her real life...It is also said to fictionalize the story of her relationship with the gay agent Bryan Lourd, father of her daughter, Billie Lourd...

...When Vale, a recovering drug addict, stops taking her medication, she is plunged into a manic episode. She goes on a search for OxyContin in Tijuana with a tattoo artist friend and new house guest, a clinically depressed patient she met at her psycho-pharmacologist's office.

A psychotic break lands Vale at Shady Lanes, where she is the "latest loony to hit the bin." Despite her mental illness, Vale still has her wit and ability to find irony in every situation as she struggles back from the brink of insanity.

Pharmacological facts and scenes from group therapy are revealed. Rather than hide the truths of mental disorders, the humor serves to highlight them.

I think I'll keep reading...

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

30 Day Challenge: Day 12 ~ Whatever Tickles Your Fancy

I thought I'd post about some observations I made at the Vancouver airport at the end of my little vacation.

  • Eggs "over hard" means no runny yolks!
  • Asian girls need to pick up their feet, walk faster, and stop shouting.
  • Cute boys from the west coast don't like it when queers look at them more than once.
  • With leg room comes responsibility. I'm fine to "man" the emergency exit over the wing, but do I have to be subjected to your pathetic ogling, dear air hostess?
  • Hot guys are immediately disqualified when discovered they have bruised nailbeds.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Tuesday's Child...

The Bitch Is Back

Oh, yes kiddies...

I'm home from my holidays and as promised, I got all caught up on the 30 Day Challenge.

It's all really quite silly, except for Day 8: A Photo That Makes You Sad/Angry. I'm telling you all now, it's an image from 9/11; an image that American newspapers only ran once.

It's inflammatory and tragic; peaceful and tormented all at the same time. It has inspired an investigation, a documentary and a boycott.

And everytime I see it, I'm destroyed in every way possible.

I'm glad to be home and I'll share some of the lovely photos from my trip out west in the coming days. Until then, let's all get caught up, shall we?

30 Day Challenge: Day 11 ~ A Photo Taken Of You Recently



This one is especially difficult.

There isn't an existing camera that can capture my current stature, so here's a snap of Poodle and I a couple of years ago at Fashion sCares.

Yes, I'm wearing a raven as a boutonniere.

30 Day Challenge: Day 10 ~ A Photo Of You Taken Over 10 Years Ago

This one is kind of slapped together.

So, to make up for that, I present a photo from a little more than 10 years ago:







...and a photo from about 20 years ago...



Gotta love those Sally Jesse Raphael frames!

30 Day Challenge: Day 9 ~ A Photo You Took

I took this photo outside the St. James Hotel in Montreal.

I had waited and waited...about 2 hours, but she didn't come out. So, I went shopping.

When I made my way back to my hotel (one block from the Queen's), the crowd was even larger and I decided to wait around.

After about 5 minutes, Madonna emerged, Starbucks in hand and Guy Oseary in tow, as she made her way to the arena.

30 Day Challenge: Day 8 ~ A Photo That Makes You Angry/Sad

"The Falling Man" refers to a photograph taken by photographer Richard Drew, depicting a man falling from the North Tower of the World Trade Center at 9:41:15 a.m. during the September 11 attacks in New York City.

The subject of the image was one of the people trapped on the upper floors of the skyscraper who apparently was forced to jump rather than die from the fire and smoke.

Whoever you are, God rest your soul.

ADDENDUM 9/11/10

Why would I allow myself to post something that stirs up so much emotion in myself, just because of some meme? I have removed the photograph of The Falling Man for many reasons, but mostly it is out of respect to the victims of 9/11.

For those of you who don't know what the photo is, I won't be linking it...you'll just have to find it for yourselves.

30 Day Challenge: Day 7 ~ A Picture That Makes You Happy


This is one of my favourite pictures of me and my Poodle.

This was taken very clearly on my 6th birthday...either '01 or '02...it's hard to say.

Poodle surprised me by taking me to a Christmas cheer party hosted by one of his very good friends, and he tacked on a little birthday surprise, too.

I'm not looking so cute, but my Poodle, well I could eat him like cake.

Mostly, this pic makes me happy because I was actually comfortable wearing a tight tee without a shirt on top.

Yeah, must have been 2001.

Oh, and this is a favourite because it's one of the best pics I have of Poodle resembling Tom Ford. I'm so lucky.

30 Day Challenge: Day 6 ~ Whatever Tickles Your Fancy

This might be cheating, but for my first "whatever tickles my fancy" post, I present:


Jonathan Sotirios.
He DEFINITELY tickles my fancy.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

30 Day Challenge: Day 5 ~ Favourite Quote

Oh, Lourdes.

I don't know...favourite quote? How about...

"Good goin' stranger."

And with that, I bid adieu...I'm off to Vancouver for a week and posting will be light, if at all. So, I will take a pause right here and when I return next week, I'll get us all caught up on the following:


Day 06 — Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 07 — A photo that makes you happy
Day 08 — A photo that makes you angry/sad
Day 09 — A photo you took
Day 10 — A photo of you taken over ten years ago
Day 11 — A photo of you taken recently
Day 12 — Whatever tickles your fancy

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