Like A Kardashian...Watched For The Very First Time

As someone who prides himself on being on top of the pop culture tip, I really know nothing about the Kardashians except for what various blogs, tabloids (no, I don't buy them), TMZ, ET and The Soup has reported over the years.  I figured I needed to at least see for myself what this family was about.  I'm nothing if not fair....  Enter the Keeping Up With The Kardashians marathon on E!

The Kardashian Krew have been on the scene for some time now, with Kim's lacklustre sex tape cumming leaking coming onto the scene in 2006 -- which I'm sure Mama Kris had, like, EVERYTHING to do with -- and then scoring their KUWTK reality show in 2007.

In those 5 years, The Lisp has mentioned the name "Kardashian" in no more than four posts.  Not bad!  Even "Lindsay Lohan" only scored one more post!  I know, I was surprised, too.

So after a few hours of watching this noxious group of people, I've whittled it down to one simple fact:

No. Redeeming. Qualities. 

Like. At. All.

The show is nothing but incessant whining, opportunistic wanderings, douchebaggery, and what appears to be functioning handicapables trying to syphon as much money as possible from the global wallet of popular culture.

You have the Trio of Kim, Khloe and Kourtney (I read somewhere they were referred to as The Trinity, and I'm sorry, there's only ONE Trinity).  Kourtney is as selfish and stupid as Kim, except she's pregnant and has a douche for a partner.  Oops.  Strike that.

Only Khloe seems to display any type of normalcy, but then, the tabloids are reporting that she's not even a real Kardashian, so maybe it's biological. 

Then you have the lone boy, Rob.  Sometimes cute, sometimes a douche.  But he's also got that big butt, so you know I want to see him naked.

He's been trying to carve out his own niche especially since his neglectful mama only cares about her children with vaginas.

Finally, you've got the youngest girls, Kylie and Kendall, sired by former Olympic gold medalist and current reigning Men Who Look Like Old Lesbians champion, Bruce Jenner.

Ugh....

I can't type another word because not only does this family suck the life out of me, I have a major pet peeve with people who name their families with the same initial.  Srsly....drives me nuts!

Verdict:  Turn off the television.

But not before we get another peek at Rob: